Another Story
by Tabitha craft
Summary: A/ P never broke up, D/J continued to be on/off again. There is no B&B. Things are financially bust for Potters. P /J never developed an acknowledged friendship despite the continuation of season 1 banter. Then there's tequila, a secret and more... This is P/J trust me! Part 10 - and the truth will out. Secrets are finally revealed.
1. Chapter 1

**A/ P never broke up, D/J continued to be on/off again. Pacey didn't hang out with Joey, so no B&B. Bessie tried to reopen the Icehouse but the insurance wasn't enough. Things are financially bust for Potters. P /J never developed an acknowledged friendship despite the continuation of season 1 banter. Then there's tequila, a secret and more... This is P/J trust me!**

**Another Story**

**Chapter 1**

_I Want You Back_ by The Jackson Five was blasting from the largest sound system Capeside had ever seen. Seventeen year old Joey Potter wished they'd change the tune to something that was more fitting, but Jack was in charge of the stereo and after Simon and Garlfunkles _Cecilia_ three hours ealier he had decided to stick with the retro theme.

It was during Marvin Gayes _Sexual Healing_ that it happened. For the fifth time in her life she'd broken up with Dawson Leery. Or rather for the first time in her life Dawson Leery had broken up with her. Muttering about college and the distance between LA and Boston, he'd suggested they split up and see how they settled into the college scene before they made the life long commitment he knew they would one day make. He'd sounded so trite as he told her he wanted her forever, just not yet. Joey cringed whenever she thought about the conversation.

Sighing she wiped away a tear and poured herself another tequila shot.

'Death by tequila huh?' Jen dropped onto the dock beside her.

'I think it's only fitting,' Joey shrugged and rolled her eyes.

'You know if it's meant to be you'll come back together,' Jen put an arm around her friends shoulder and slurped some tequila straight from the bottle.

'Why is there no solace in that anymore?' Joey looked at Jen with wide eyes.

'Maybe, and this is just a maybe Jo, maybe deep down you're scared you won't come back together because somewhere inside you have this fear that perhaps Dawson isn't the _one_?' Jen looked at her and smiled to herself as Joey poured herself another generous tequila shot and threw it into the back of her throat.

'That is a big maybe,' she nodded getting drunker by the minute.

'Any substance to it?' Jen asked gently.

'The jury's still out. You know me and Dawson - its been a long trial and I think the verdict is still uncertain.'

'Despite his ill-timed, inconsiderate need for space?' Jen asked.

'Well I've done the same to him several times and we've always come back together,' Joey shrugged uncertainly.

'So you figure you deserve it?' Jen didnt think that sounded right.

'Not deserve it, I guess, I figure we all need room to grow. He does have god awful timing though. This is supposed to be a celebration no more school. We're high school graduates...'

'And instead of partying you're getting drunk by yourself,' Jen nudged her shoulder and Joey nudged her friends shoulder back,

'I'm not by myself - I'm wallowing in good company.'

'Only I'm not wallowing, I'm in the mood for a party - care to join me?' Jen stumbled to her feet and held a hand out to Joey. Joey took her hand and then hesitated,

'I think I'll wallow a little longer. I don't think I can quite take the all the lovey doveyness in there - you and Drue, Pacey and Andie, Jack and Toby and then me, it's a little much just this minute.'

'But you will come in?'

'After some more tequila I'll be there - get Jack to put on something with some more soul I feel like dancing,' she grinned and then turned back to stare at the water as Jen headed into the house.

* * *

'Care to share?' Pacey's voice interrupted Joey's drunken contemplation several minutes later.

'You,' she scowled at the intrusion.

'Yeah me,' he scowled back 'and I could do with some of the good stuff you stole from my sisters stash,' he pointed at the tequila bottle which Joey hugged protectively as if it were a teddy bear.

'This baby is all mine buster! I'm drowning my sorrows,' she growled.

'Sorrows?!' he scoffed, 'I don't give a shit about your sorrows, I want some tequila to dull mine,' he snatched the bottle from her and tossed the cap into the ocean.

'No need to litter Pacey,' she moaned at him.

'Cut me some slack here Joey,' he bit back.

'I don't see you cutting me any,' she snatched the bottle back.

'And why should I? You've got a fully funded place at an Ivy League University and you're with someone who loves you - why do you need the tequila?' he grabbed the bottle and a tussle for control began.

'For your information, my so called soul mate decided to call the whole thing off,' Joey said with venom and was pleased when the words caused Pacey to release the bottle. After a second he made to grab it again,

'So what if the ongoing, on off, drawn out saga of the will they or won't they couple of the decade is still ongoing, you know you'll be back together in a month or less when he realises what an ass he's been,' Pacey shot the words at her, 'at least he didn't sleep with someone else,' his eyes clouded over and Joey instantly released the bottle. 'Yeah my need is greater than yours,' he agreed as he sloshed the soothing, intoxicating liquid down his throat, wincing at the taste.

'Oh Pacey,' Joey felt her eyes tear up unexpectedly. 'How could she?' she slipped her hand into his, and before she knew it he released her hand and put his arm was around her, holding her close, as if she were his comfort teddy bear, his face pressed into her hair. After several moments he released her a bit and laughed angrily,

'Apparently it was very easy - she had a long affair with this guy called Mark she met in the institute in Providence. She didn't tell me but now it turns out they're going to Italy together. The last two years have been a complete sham,' the words rolled off his tongue bitterly as a tear fell into her hair.

'I'm so sorry Pace,' Joey felt like a silly little girl crying over a relationship she didn't doubt would one day be restored when Pacey had been so badly treated by a girl he had done so much for. 'I'll kick her ass if you like?' she offered, her words slurring together slightly.

'You would?' Pacey found a smile tug at his lips as he looked down at his long time enemy. 'And I thought you didn't like me?'

'I don't. You're like a hated sibling. I can be as nasty to you as much I want, but anyone else dare mess with you and they have me to deal with,' she informed him with a sassy smile.

'I can kick Dawsons ass for you,' he offered.

'Nah lets face it, you'd take him down. At least Andie stands a chance against me,' Joey shrugged.

'It is true that her perkiness has been known to weaken even your sarcastic and bitter temperament.'

'It was Christmas and I had my defences down,' Joey quipped in defence and Pacey chuckled.

'How about we stick to tequila and rejoice in the fact that they suck?' he asked.

'And I was getting all riled up for some ass kicking,' Joey pouted.

'Yeah, you've had a dry spell,' Pacey acknowledged.

'Well you've been busy with Andie and I've been busy with Dawson, its really made the physical beating of you difficult. I've really been suffering with just the verbal take downs,' Joey leant her head against his chest finding the hand stroking her hair soothing.

'You don't verbally take me down,' Pacey scoffed. 'I stopped trying to win because you're not worth the time,' he bantered.

'Not worth the time hey? That's funny because I've thought the same about you but then I realised I had to take pity and force you to exercise that brain cell of yours in some witty verbal repertoire,' she looked up and smiled sweetly.

'Such a kind hearted girl,' he muttered sarcastically. 'I'll have you know I graduated high school today with you Potter!'

'Pace you scraped by and I was class valedictorian,' she grinned.

'So I have different priorities,' he explained.

'I know, your girl and your boat,' she said and then instantly regretted it. 'I'm sorry Pace. I guess I forgot for a second there.'

'It's ok, but you're wrong, thats not what I meant,' he turned blazing blue eyes onto hers.

'What did you mean?' she asked faltering slightly under his intense expression.

'You know what Jo? You'll probably be sending me postcards back here from the big wide world. You've got it all at your feet - college, travel, a great job, a great future. I don't have that. I might see the world and I might stay here pumping gas for the rest of my life but all I really care about is being happy. I don't care about money, or about having the best job or being a success. Sure if an opportunity comes my way, I'll take it but only if I maintain time for the important things.'

'And what are the important things?' Joey looked at him with wide eyes.

'A girl, one day a family, my friends. You know that my family pretty much sucks right?' he asked and she nodded, 'well I want something so different to that. I want to have dinner with my girl. When I get married I want to have fun with my wife as if we're not married at all as if we still remember why we got together in the first place. And when I have kids I want to pick them up from school, bath them, read them bed time stories.'

'You want the kind of life we never had?' Joey asked. 'Aren't you worried about financial security? I just want to have money and some success. I guess I want to show them all that I could do it, that it doesn't matter where I came from or how hard its been, that I can make something of myself. Does none of that matter to you?' she looked at him waiting for an answer as he took in her words.

'Sure I want to make sure we're not hungry and the bills are paid, but at the end of the day kids just want their parents around - they might ask for the big gifts at Christmas but what really matters is the time you spend with them. What good is a remote control car if they have to play with it all by themselves? A pack of cards and their dad and they're happier. I would consider a life like that a success.

It's not about what career you have but being good at what you do. In my mind a success is someone who is happy and if an Ivy league education and life as a journalist, or a filmmaker or whatever you guys all end up becoming makes you happy then thats great, it's just not for me. I'd rather, I don't know, cook for a living in a two-bit restaurant and be happy than work on the stock market and be seen as a success and be unhappy!' Pacey trailed off trying to think through the haze of alcohol inside of him.

'You're a good guy Pacey. Andie is a fool,' Joey told him softly.

'Maybe,' he looked down.

'No maybe about it. One day she'll realise just what she lost.'

'But by then it'll be too late,' Pacey sighed deeply.

'What do you mean?'

'I just mean that even if I thought Andie was the one for me, I was wrong. I'm not the one for her and therefore I don't think she's the one for me. We're young, I mean I don't know,' he trailed off and looked down moving his arm from around her and taking her hand for some reason he couldn't explain. Looking at their fingers entwined a rush of heat surged through him.

'Can I ask you something Joey?' he asked feeling the swirl of alcohol in his system.

'What?'

'What makes you so sure Dawson is the one? Since we were fifteen this soul mate title has branded the two of you. What makes you so certain?' his eyes seemed to burn into hers as his fingers smoothed the soft skin of hers. Joey found it hard to concentrate with the patterns they were tracing.

'Can I be honest with you Pacey?' Joey leaned up conspiratorially until her lips were pressed to his ear and then whispered, 'I don't know where the soul mates thing came from. I think Dawson decided thats what we were. Sometimes I'm not sure. I mean he's my best friend but I'm not sure he gets me,' she trailed off but her lips stayed next to his ear breathing warm air against the sensitive skin there.

'Joey,' a low growl came from Pacey, causing Joey to look at him surprised at the change in his voice.

'What?' her skin tingled at the look of desire in his eyes.

'I know we're both bouncing pretty hard right now, and maybe its the alcohol, but you're looking all kinds of sexy right now,' he dipped his head so his lips brushed against her ear sending a tingle straight through her and causing a sliding sensation to bounce between her stomach and the area between her legs.

'Are you flirting with me Witter?' Joey arched a brow at him making him chuckle, 'You know weve been warring so long they may need to draw up truce papers!'

'I'll make a deal with you,' Pacey began slowly as his eyes travelled over her. Fuck but this woman is gorgeous, he couldn't help the thought. 'How about we call a cease fire and negotiate over land,' he ran a finger across her cheek.

'Land?' Joey whispered as her ability to breathe suddenly deserting her.

'Yeah, most wars are about land or possessions and we've been warring since sixth grade lets settle this,' lowering his head he placed a soft kiss on the slope of her neck.

'We lost the Ice House and we don't own our house anymore - I have no land,' Joey gasped slightly but found herself arching her neck to give him better access as his soft kisses burned a trail down her silky skin.

'I'm making out the territory as we speak Jo,' he murmured against her skin as he trailed the kisses up her neck until his lips met hers in a kiss that seemed to make the air around them crackle.

'I think this is fraternising with the enemy,' she told him weakly as her body melted into his.

'Well you're one sexy enemy,' he moaned against her lips before kissing her again, his arms pulling her closer. A soft moan escaped her as his lips and hands trailed over her body. She lay back on the sand as his hands pushed at her top and his lips branded the soft skin he revealed


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Joey rubbed her temple feeling it throb again. It was late in the afternoon the day after the party, and the sickness from the tequila still hadn't subsided. After several moments deep breathing she hammered on the front door she was stood before.

'Joey?' Gretchen stared at her in surprise.

'Um, yeah, hi Gretchen,' Joey twisted her hands nervously in front of her. 'I was, um, wondering well, if Pacey is here?'

'Yeah he's here - not that he's being any help,' she shouted the latter into the house.

'Geez Gretchen, have some pity for the hang over impaired,' Pacey growled from somewhere in the house.

'You've got a friend here,' Gretchen shouted back into the house, 'if I can call you that?' she asked Joey after a moment making the younger girl blush furiously, something that didn't go unnoticed.

'I know we fight but I think we've always been friends,' Joey defended.

'Hey,' Pacey appeared at his sisters shoulder and gave her a weak smile before blushing furiously as well. Gretchen looked from one to the other and smirked.

'Well I can see you two need to talk, so let me leave you to that and the tidying up!' and with that she grabbed her bag and headed out.

For several moments Joey and Pacey stared at each other uncertainly.

'So how are you?' Pacey asked a length.

'I feel like crap, thanks for asking. Yourself?' she rubbed a hand across her aching head.

'Pretty much the same. I think we went for the death by tequila a little too enthusiastically.'

'You think huh?' she muttered sarcastically.

'Look Joey as pleasurable as your biting sarcasm is right now maybe we should just talk?' Pacey pushed the door open wider and crossing her arms defensively across her chest Joey stalked in.

'Thats why I'm here!' she mumbled as Pacey plonked himself on the couch. Instead of sitting she began to tidy, anything to avoid looking at him.

'You don't need to do that,' Pacey told her after a moment.

'I know but if I keep doing this, I don't have to look at you, and if I don't look at you then I don't have to feel this huge guilt about what happened last night.'

'Guilt?' Pacey looked at her in surprise, 'ok regret, embarrassment, fear, surprise, shock, I can understand all of those but guilt? Why would you need to be guilty - he finished with you.'

'Dawson came over this morning. We're back together,' Joey rushed the words never ceasing her furrowed cleaning.

'Oh,' his mouth fell open slightly.

'So whatever happened last night...' she trailed off uncertainly.

'Joey look at me a second,' Pacey said and reached out a hand. Joey stopped the cleaning and stared uncertainly at the hand before taking it. Pacey pulled her so she was sat on the coffee table in front of him.

'Joey last night was great, but you and me? Lets face it we know it was a mistake. You and Dawson are destined and I'm not nearly over Andie, so how about we chalk up one amazing night to too much tequila and a moment of insanity and keep what happened between ourselves?'

'That sounds like a good idea,' she breathed a long sigh of relief. 'I better go.'

'And leave me all the tidying up?' Pacey gave her a puppy dog look.

'And leave you all the tidying up,' she confirmed heading for the door. Pulling himself from the couch he followed her as she pushed through into the open air.

'You're a mean girl Josephine,' he chided but he smiled, a small sort of smile.

'So they tell me,' she smiled slightly back at him.

'I'll see you later huh?' Pacey asked.

'I think Dawson wants us all to hang out lots this summer,' Joey shrugged a little. 'I think he had a movie night planned for tonight.'

'I had an offer,' Pacey told her abruptly. 'I wasn't going to take it because of Andie and all, but now well I'm going sailing in the Caribbean.'

'Pacey that's amazing,' Joeys eyes widened. 'I wish I was doing that rather than working every day at the marina.'

'Joey what I said last night? About you having the world at your feet?' Pacey asked and Joey nodded, 'well I meant it. I know everyone has said this and I'm probably the last person you ever expected to say it, but I am proud of you - you showed everyone in this town what determination can achieve.'

'Thanks Pacey, I'm proud of you too,' she told him softly.

'Me? Why?' Pacey scoffed the words slightly.

'Because you've got a really grounded idea of what's important and despite the vast sea between what I think is important and what you think is important, I have a sneaky suspicion that you're right.'

'You know what Potter? We should have given this friendship thing a shot a long time ago,' Pacey mused.

'We've always been friends - you've got to read between the banter Pace!' Joey told him and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. 'When do you leave?'

'Tomorrow,' Pacey said quietly.

'Well be sure to send me a postcard to the Marina where I'm pumping gas,' Joey smiled and he laughed.

'Yeah and at Christmas I'll look forward to sparring with you again!'

'Is that how long it'll be?'

'With you in Boston yeah,' Pacey nodded.

'It's strange, you can't wait for school to end and then when it does well you kind of wish it hadn't?' Joey looked at him for a long moment feeling the heat crackling between them. Pacey seemed to shift nearer but then took a step back placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

'I know what you mean Potter, I know what you mean,' he agreed softly.

'I better go,' Joey shrugged nervously, feeling her heart race under his eyes.

'Ok,' he agreed as she turned to head away from the beach house. After a moment he called to her, 'Joey?'

'Yeah?' she asked turning and squinting against the sun.

'Last night was fantastic, you were beautiful,' he called feeling lame but was rewarded with a huge smile.

'Thanks Pace.'

'Any time Jo.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The sun beat down on Jen and Joey as they lay in deck chairs, baking nicely on Joeys dock. The house stood behind them in disrepair. After the fire at the Icehouse they'd put the insurance money back into the restaurant, but it just wasn't enough to get the place up and running. Eventually the building had been sold, and when Bodie lost his job Bessie took out a mortgage on the house. Luckily Bodie had got a job at the restaurant that had replaced the Icehouse and whilst it didn't pay a lot he managed to keep a roof over their heads. Joey's pay kept the family fed. Unfortunately repairs to the house were rather low on the list of priorities.

'So have you heard from Pacey?' Joey asked as the Jackson Five floated through the air from Jens tiny stereo.

'No. You?'

'I don't think anyone has,' Joey let out a soft sigh.

'Well what Andie did really sucked. I can't say I was very sorry when she left,' Jen scowled.

'No I've had a few emails from her but I haven't known what to say,' Joey acknowledged.

'Same here. I've replied but kind of curtly.'

'Yeah, I mean I like Andie but she really hurt Pacey,' Joey frowned as Jen giggled. 'What's so funny?'

'I never knew you could be so protective of Pacey. All you guys ever did was fight!'

'Well he was always mine to fight with,' Joey admitted and shrugged.

'Don't worry Jo, I know you were friends,' Jen smirked 'Has Dawson not heard from him?'

'Well yeah he's had a couple of phone calls from here, there and everywhere. But you know Dawson he's a talker not a listener.'

'Thats the truth,' Jen nodded.

'Can you believe it's a month until we start at college? I mean if Pacey comes back it will be Christmas before we even see him again.'

'What's the sudden interest in Pacey?' Jen shot Joey an astute look Causing Joey to flush.

'His absence, Andie's absence, they emphasize how much has changed already. And when we go...'

'It's an intimidating thought. After we're in Boston I'll no longer have a home in Capeside,' Jen couldn't help feeling sad at the thought.

'You'll always have a home, you and Jack. I know it's not much of a home and Bessie will probably charge you to rent the space next to my pull out bed but seriously any time.'

'I'll take you up on that Joey, just so you know.'

'You better. I want us to stay in touch. You, Jack and I have no excuses. We're so close.'

'We'll always be close,' Jen nodded and smiled at her best friend.

'Who'd have thought it with the way we started?' Joey laughed softly.

'I was pretty determined to be friends with you Joey. I was pretty certain about that. You may not have realized it, but I knew we'd get on.' Jen admitted.

'Lets cut the mutual appreciation thing. It's embarrassing,' Joey felt a blush stain her cheeks at Jens words.

'When will you learn to take a compliment?'

'When you learn to accept that you fit here, that no one could fit better here,' Joey told her pointedly and Jen chuckled.

'Ok so we both have issues!'

'We're teenage girls we're supposed to!'

'Talking of issues, what do you want to do for your birthday?' Jen stared at her friend who scowled deeply.

'Nothing.'

'Joey!'

'What? I hate my birthdays. I want to chill out with my friends doing nothing.'

'Can we at least go to the roller rink?' Jen pursed her lips.

'Fine we can go to the roller rink!' Joey relented and Jen clapped her hands.

'Great,' she grinned and closed her eyes thinking. 'Joey...' she began at length.

'Yeah?'

'Are you and Dawson ok?'

'Why do you ask?' Joey wasn't defensive like she would have been a year before. She knew things were weird and wanted Jens take on it.

'Well since he ended it, even though you got back together you don't seem content?' Jen shook her head slightly. 'I don't know how to explain it. You seem as though something is on your mind. You're too thin as well. You know you've lost weight and I, just well, Jack and I have been worried about you...'

'I guess I'm not exactly happy but I think I've just been working to hard. The Marina doesn't allow much time for eating.'

'Well make time Joey,' Jen shot her a look.

'Ok.'

'And remember being happy is the most important thing, even if it means giving up on something you were certain would make you happy when you discover it doesn't!'

'Thanks Jen,' Joey murmured thinking about her conversation with Pacey a couple of months before. That party felt like a life time ago now they were on the brink of their lives changing forever. Andie was gone, Jen and Jack no longer had a base in Capeside, Dawson off to the other side of the country and Pacey adrift in the ocean. The world suddenly felt huge.

* * *

Jen hammered on the door of Joeys dorm room but no one was answering. She could hear someone moving about inside and wondered why they weren't opening the damn door. Pulling out her diary she double checked the room number Joey had written in there a few days earlier when she'd left for Boston and she was definitely at the right door. Tucking the diary back into her bag she hammered again.

'Joey,' she shouted through the door.

'Who the hell is Joey?' a blond, buxom girl answered the door a furious expression on her face.

'Um your roommate I think?' Jen hesitated.

'My roommate isn't coming and she was a girl called Josephine anyway - oh hey yeah, Joey,' it seemed to suddenly dawn on her why Jen had been calling for a Joey.

'What do you mean not coming?' Jen frowned. Back in Capseide they'd arranged to meet that day for coffee to dissect the college experience. They also had a party the following evening they knew they were both going to.

'All I know is the accommodation office told me she's not coming but they'll be putting someone in here soon!' the girl shrugged.

'Ok thanks,' Jen pursed her brow thoughtfully and pulling out her cell dialled Dawson.

'Hello,' Dawson practically grunted down the line.

'Hey Dawson it's Jen,' she walked as she spoke.

'Jen how are you?' he sounded so pleased to hear from her, so relieved.

'Confused!'

'Confused? Why?' Dawsons tone was laced with concern.

'Well Joey's roommate said she's not coming,' Jen said carefully.

'Relax Jen, there's just been some mistake I'm sure. You do know what happened don't you? I mean Joey tells you everything.'

'What do you mean?' Jen paused feeling a sudden anxiousness. 'Is she ok?'

'She's fine I guess,' Dawson sounded strained. 'And she's definitely at Worthington somewhere. I got a long email from her Worthington email.' Dawson repeated the email address to Jen and it was the same as Joey had told her.

'Oh did she give you her postal address?' Jen asked hopefully.

'Not exactly. Come on Jen, don't play dumb.'

'Maybe I just am dumb because I have no idea what's going on here,' Jen muttered frustrated.

'She sent me a long email - she was going on and on about our relationship being like a criminal trial and then she said the verdict was in and this whole soul mate thing wasn't what she thought it was. She basically said that we were meant to be friends. As more than friends neither of us are happy, that the verdict was final.'

'Wow,' Jen let go of the breath she was holding.

'Yeah you can say that again. I feel so so hurt and alone. I don't know what to do with myself - I thought she was happy.'

'Really?' Jen let the question slip without meaning to.

'You didn't?' Dawson sounded shocked.

'No she'd lost weight, she looked strained.'

'I just thought she was working too hard,' Dawson admitted.

'I'm really sorry Dawson.'

'It's ok. So you don't think she's ok?'

'Right now I'm a little worried,' Jen told him.

'Why?'

'I knew nothing about this and Joey normally tells me everything,' Jen explained.

'Oh well, maybe she's having some space you know Joey, the first sign of trouble or strife and she either gets drunk or pushes people away.'

'Maybe,' Jen murmured more to herself than him.

'Pacey should be back in Capeside soon by the way,' Dawson said.

'We should all get together at Christmas,' Jen smiled. 'Grams is going to rent some place in Capeside so Jack and I can be there for Christmas -she wanted more than Joeys offer of floor space!'

'That's great. I can't wait to see everyone already. Take care of yourself Jen and I'll speak to you soon.'

'And you.'

* * *

Pacey strolled up a main thorough fare of Roxbury, a Boston neighbourhood, enjoying the last of the Indian summer sunshine. Tanned and relaxed from four months in the Caribbean he only wished he'd come back to a friendlier reception in Capeside. His family had been less than pleased to see him home and he was beginning to realise that Capeside was a very lonely place with Dawson in LA and the others in Boston. That was why he'd quickly made the decision to move to Boston.

The area he was in was home to a deck hand he'd been sailing with and whilst it wasn't terrible and had a few redeeming qualities, it wasn't the best area. Uncertain what to do once in Boston, he was staying with his friend whilst he found a job and a place to live. He didn't doubt that Boston was the place to go. He'd never been particularly interested in Dawson's film related dreams and the majority of his friends were in Boston. The decision had been simple.

Walking down through this unknown neighbourhood he raced to cross at the lights before they changed. Turning to thank the driver who had waited and allowed him to cross he almost stopped in surprise when he saw Joey in a beat up truck. He waved but the truck was moving and gone making him wonder if he was seeing things.

* * *

'Hello?' Bessie answered the phone in a stress. Alexander was driving her nuts and the last thing she wanted or needed was another sales call.

'Hey Bessie, it's Pacey,' the familiar voice made her smile.

'Pacey! Where are you?'

'In Boston actually. I was actually hoping to get a number for your sister?'

'Sure let me get you her Worthington number.'

'Is Joey in halls?'

'Yeah,' Bessie smiled.

'Strange, I was sure I saw her this morning, but I was pretty far from Worthington. I'm staying with a friend and I was just sure I saw her.'

'Unlikely Pacey, she has a class Wednesday mornings,' Bessie frowned.

'Oh well never mind. Joey's got a doppelgänger I guess. I could have sworn it was her.'

* * *

'Hey there Lindley!' Pacey's deep voice made Jen squeal and throw herself into his arms.

'Pacey! It's so good to see you. What are you doing here?'

'I got into town about a week ago. I was staying out of town but now I've got a place. Believe it or not but this small town looser managed to do good in the city and got himself a money making job on the stock exchange,' he shrugged a little bashfully.

'Wow that's great,' she hugged him again.

'Amazing how many contacts a guy can pick up when sailing the seven seas,' he grinned.

'You have to come to this party tonight Pacey. Everyone will be so psyched to see you,' Jen gushed.

'Yeah?' his smile grew.

'Yeah,' Jen nodded her blond curls bouncing.

* * *

'College life definitely agrees with you,' Pacey told Jen as she met and greeted friends.

'Hell yeah,' she nodded spotting Drue and Jack.

'Jackers!' Pacey shouted pleased to see his friend.

'Pacey man,' Jack pulled him into a hug.

'Drue,' Pacey grinned and the two hugged as well.

'You didn't get lost at sea,' Drue grinned his tone unreadable.

'I can navigate,' Pacey grinned back.

'Good to see you navigated your way past Capeside to Boston,' Drue chuckled putting an arm around Jen.

'Damn straight dude,' Pacey sunk into a seat and took the beer Jack handed him. 'How have you guys been?'

'Jack's in a fraternity,' Jen scowled.

'Aww man what are you thinking?'

'I'm thinking those boys know how to party?' Jack couldn't stop smiling and neither could the others.

* * *

'So how's Andie?' Pacey asked as Drue and Jen moved off to dance.

'She's good. Still in Italy with Mark,' Jack bit his lower lip nervously and Pacey was instantly reminded of Joey - it was almost certainly a gesture Jack had picked up from her. Jen had said everyone would be at the party and there was no Joey. College had only started a few weeks back and he was sure that Jen and Joey would be making an effort to keep in touch.

'Hey Jack, where's Joey?' he asked. Jack breathed a sigh of relief at the change of subject,

'Weirdest thing - none of us have seen her since we got here. We go to her room and her roommate tells us she's never moved in and yet Bessie insists that's the correct room number. We email and she emails back. She keeps saying we should meet up and we invite her to all our parties, but nada she never shows. Jen's pretty pissed about it. Joey's her best friend and it hurts to be dropped. Even Dawson was dropped.'

'What do you mean, Dawson was dropped?' Pacey started wondering why Dawson had neglected to mention the fact.

'Didn't he tell you? Day after she got here Joey sent him an email saying no way, no how, not ever. Not like the other times, she was blatant and unforgiving. He was crying like a baby for weeks. Kept emailing to beg her to reconsider. But she just kept replying the same old thing...'

'Which was?'

'"The verdict is in and you and I aren't meant to be. I want to be your friend Dawson."'

'That's it?' Pacey whistled.

'Not exactly sugar coated huh?'

'Nope.'

'Anyway like I said - it seems we've all been dropped.'

'It's only been a couple of weeks,' Pacey protested.

'Jen had plans with her we all did. And the roommate thing? all weird. Face it, Joey always wanted to escape Capeside and now she's here she can mingle with people that don't have a clue about her, who won't talk about her. Even I can understand the appeal,' Jack frowned.

'But you are who you are,' Pacey frowned back, his mind conjuring a picture of large sincere brown eyes.

'I guess it's easier to hide poverty and a criminal dad than being gay,' Jack shrugged.

'It's not Joey,' Pacey wasnt convinced. 'We're her best friends, yeah even me, so don't look like that!' Jack snickered slightly but quickly straightened his expression. 'I'll find her if she's really here,' Pacey murmured thinking about the girl he'd seen that had so reminded him of Joey.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Pacey had found sailing amazing, and it had definitely helped him get over Andie. He had spent the time he needed thinking through their relationship and getting over her betrayal. Girls had helped.

It was a surprise to him that he didn't spend as much time thinking about that relationship as he thought he would. What he hadn't bargained on were the thoughts that came unbidden into his head as he lay under the stars late at night. Instead of dissecting his two year relationship he more often found himself remembering one drunken night under the stars with the most beautiful girl in the world. It scared the hell out of him. His feelings for her were as they always had been. He liked her secretly, they were friends from years of hanging around with Dawson, and they were banter partners. He knew he'd never really hated her, despite what they might pretend. She always had been his favourite enemy, his number one sparring partner, his closest ally as town outcast. They were both gritty underdogs and they shared an affection from both the years they'd known each other and the way they looked out for each other when no one was looking. But the long hours spent thinking of her? The crazy urge to see her? To talk to her? To kiss her? That made him wonder if he might be slightly insane.

It was however the drive to see her, coupled with the intrigue her disappearing act had caused, that had him knocking on the door of the Worthington administration office a couple of weeks after his conversation with Jack he smiled pleasantly at the girl behind the desk.

'Can I help?' she asked politely.

'I hope so,' he smiled.

* * *

'Joey,' Pacey called her name across the campus as she hurried across the lawn, browned leaves swirling about her as Fall turned the campus into a beautiful land of warm reds and oranges. Instead of stopping she seemed to quicken her pace and tug her coat tighter about her. 'Hey Joey,' Pacey jogged to catch her up.

'Oh hi,' she eventually stopped and looked down. After a moment she shot him a quick smile before looking down again. He was surprised. He knew how the rest of their friends thought they weren't close, but he felt that the two of them had acknowledged the friendship before he'd left.

'Oh hi? Is that anyway to greet an old friend?' he frowned good naturedly pulling her into a hug. He tried not to feel hurt as she pointedly disengaged herself from his arms.

'I missed the part where we were friends,' she muttered darkly refusing to look at him.

'You know, we've always been friends - you've just got to read between the banter,' he stumbled over the words, surprised by her attitude.

'Well I was wrong,' she told him and turned to walk away.

'And you were wrong about being friends with Jack and Jen too I suppose?' he asked at length.

'Just leave me alone Pacey,' she called over her shoulder.

'No,' he jogged to catch her up. 'What's going on Joey? I know you well enough to know something's wrong.'

'Well I guess you don't know me as well as you thought because everything is just fine.'

'Fine!' he felt suddenly furious and hurt all at the same time. 'Be like that. Shut out the people that care about you. We'll cope even if you don't,' he shouted and turned to walk away. Then his conscious caught him and he swung around only to find her hurrying away. A part of him had expected her to be stood watching him walk away but she was walking as fast as she could. After a moments hesitation he began to follow her.

* * *

It was easy to follow Joey, and Pacey began to feel like he was starring in a detective show, the Mission Impossible theme music hummed under his breath. The L was busy enough for him to hide amongst the crowds and though only a couple of people got off at her stop Joey seemed to be in a world of her own and didn't notice him.

Following at a distance he watched Joey walk the streets until finally she turned into a quiet side road. Reaching a little house she walked through the mess in the front yard and let herself in.

Pacey stared at the tiny house in surprise. The place was shabby and worn down, not dissimilar to her home in Capeside, and the front yard was dominated by a broken car in the drive, as well as a familiar old truck on the street out front. Various odds and sods littered the lawn, including an old arm chair and some broken shelves, as well as an array of car parts.

As Pacey watched the house a large guy pushed his way out the front door and put some garbage into the trash. He was good looking and looked to be in his mid twenties. He was dressed in fashionable clothes and didn't seem to relish the task of waste disposal as he complained on the doorway,

'We have to take turns with the trash you know,' before slamming the door as he went back into the house.

Pacey thought about turning away but decided that Joey had always tried to push people away. When her mom died, when her dad was arrested, when the Icehouse burnt down and her dad was arrested again, when they lost the Icehouse for good, when Bessie re-mortgaged the house, when they had to rely on Goodwill and charity, when the town gossiped. Joey Potter was a class act at pushing people away and running. If she was pushing people away now there had to be a reason for it. Without thinking about it anymore he picked his way across the yard and knocked on the door. At length the door swung open.

'Hello,' a different guy to the trash guy answered the door. It wasn't the apron, or even the fluttering eyes that told Pacey the man was gay. It was just obvious and the Gay and Proud tee shirt he was sporting confirmed it.

'Hi,' Pacey began with a grin.

'Are you one of Daniels work friends? Because the party is at seven,' the guy rolled his eyes dramatically. 'Daniel is always getting times mixed up. Come in, come in,' he opened the door and ushered Pacey in. 'I'm Alex his partner.'

'I'm Pacey,' Pacey shook Alexs hand looking around the tiny house. In contrast to the yard the house on the outside, the inside was clean and tidy but utterly cluttered. There was a lot of furniture and the walls needed painting but it was clean. The clutter made the house seem even smaller.

'We know it's not much yet, but we're working on it, but with work and Daniels need to have crap lying around everywhere it's always such a mess. Anyway, go through to the back yard. We decided to have barbeque because its so nice and warm. Joey is out there, she's our gorgeous roommate. I'll tell Daniel you're here. He's in the shower.'

Pacey didn't have a chance to explain he was here for Joey before Alex disappeared up the stairs. Feeling awkward he wondered through the lounge with its garden furniture instead of proper couches and into the back yard where someone had strung up streamers and balloons. Joey was sat in a shabby Adirondack chair sipping a mug of something steaming. Without hesitation Pacey dropped into the seat beside her.

'Finished yelling at Alex?' she asked. Turning her mouth falling open in surprise. 'You're not Daniel.'

'Sorry for following you Jo, but I was worried.'

'You followed me?' a look of fury rested across her features - fuck, her features are perfect! Pacey realized, comparing them to the perfection her features he had held in his imagination all summer.

'I wanted to check you were ok - what the hell is going on Potter? Jack and Jen are worried, they think they've done something wrong. They're angry and hurt because they think you've dropped them. Dawson, now he admits you're not together, keeps asking me to talk to you, to get you to give him another chance. I want to see you Jo. You're supposed to be in halls at Worthington and you're living in a shit hole in the suburbs.'

'It's not a shit hole. Alex is a community workers and Daniel a nurse, they are low paid. They only bought it a couple of months ago. This is their housewarming party.'

'And none of that explains why you're here.'

'How do you know I'm not attending the party?' she gave him a scathing look.

'I just know ok,' Pacey tutted slightly. 'Come on Joey. We've known each other for years and you let yourself in with keys.'

'Look things didn't work out as planned. I'd rather just do things my way,' a red blush tainted her cheeks and she looked down at her hands, twisting in her lap.

'What's that mean?'

'It means all that stuff lying at my feet? You know the world being mine to enjoy? That isn't on the cards anymore. I've proved them all right.'

'Who are they?' Pacey frowned in confusion.

'Everyone that thought I was Joey Potter girl from the wrong side of the creek. The girl who was trying to rise above her rightful place. All the rich snobs, all the people that would gossip about my family all of them.'

'What's happened Joey?' Pacey felt this overwhelming concern and he wanted to touch her. She looked so lonely.

'Nothing ok, nothing at all. You should just go and leave me,' Joey sighed after a long pause.

'Is it to do with Dawson?' Pacey asked and saw her eyes flicker as she looked down at her hands.

'No,' she maintained but he knew it was a lie.

'Talk to me Jo. Remember we agreed to try the friends thing?' he teased softly.

'It's complicated,' she attempted.

'It always is,' he agreed waiting for her to continue but she didn't. Looking at her he ran his eyes greedily over her. It was strange. It was if she was Joey but not Joey at all. She looked younger than before. Her hair was longer and straighter than it had been and her normally olive skin was pale. She'd lost weight and some of the sparkle in her eyes. She was still as beautiful as she'd always been, more so to him after months of not seeing her, but she just didn't seem right. 'Are you unwell?' he asked at length when she had still to speak.

'No Pacey I'm fine,' she insisted.

'Fine be stubborn Jo, but you want to know something?' he glared at her.

'What?' she glared back.

'I can be stubborn too and I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on.'

'Why would I tell you?' she practically cursed her eyes full of fire.

'Because I'm here,' he shot back.

'And I wish you weren't.'

'Aaawww come on Jo, you have a soft spot for me somewhere,' he continued unabashedly.

'I lost it,' she explained carefully.

'You're such a stubborn girl,' he growled in frustration.

'And you're an irritating buttplug - we all have our faults,' her eyes flashed in battle.

'Do you even know what a buttplug is Joey?' he snarked.

'Look in a mirror Pacey,' she rolled her eyes.

'Look Joey, I'm here because I care,' she rolled her eyes, 'no I do. Please can you just tell me what the hell is going on? You may think that little bit of intrigue you've managed to build over the summer is sex but it's just annoying. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me something I can take back to Jen, Jack and Dawson.'

'Listen you cretin, firstly you lack charm and that little monologue is unlikely to make a girl open up. Secondly, Jen, Jack and Dawson can email me. Thirdly, we're having a party so why don't you take a hint and leave!'

'Firstly, my charm works just fine - I wasn't trying to charm you because lets face it you're utterly impossible. Secondly, you skirt around everything our friends ask in email and refuse to meet up. Thirdly, fine I will leave. I'll leave and go fetch Jen and Jack and then come back,' he muttered darkly watching as her mouth fell open indignantly.

'You're such an ass.'

'An ass on his way back to Boston,' Pacey stood and turned to leave.

'Wait,' she muttered at the last minute.

'Pardon? Didn't quite catch that Jo?'

'I said wait,' she huffed.

'I think you said wait and if you did say wait you must be planning to tell me just what's going on because that's the only thing I'm hanging around here for.'

'Fine if you don't fancy barbeque steak or chicken or even sausages thats just fine,' she smirked as his stomach grumbled loudly.

'Like I'd eat anything you cook - you'd probably lace it with arsenic.'

'You know me so well,' she fluttered her lashes at him.

'Talk to me Jo,' his tone softened suddenly and unexpectedly and Joey didn't know quite what to do.

'Ok, but no laughing or making fun,' she told him firmly.

'Scouts honour,' he saluted.

'Like you were ever a scout,'she smiled at him indulgently.

'Sure I was! I can't help it if they kicked me out the first day.'

'What did you do?' she smiled properly.

'How was I to know they weren't practical jokers?' he shrugged. 'It took an awful long time and a lot of hard work to tie the laces of every kid to another kid as they did their art project,' he chuckled slightly at the memory and Joey couldn't help but smile too. 'This one poor kid broke his nose little tubby one!'

'So that's how Dawson broke his nose,' Joey grinned remembering how Dawson wouldn't speak to Pacey for a whole week.

'And you wonder why he never gave me much of an apology for breaking my nose on the basketball court?!' he asked rhetorically.

'That whole incident was a little uncharacteristic,' Joey nodded.

'So why the big break up?' Pacey slotted the question in to their conversation seamlessly.

'You in a way,' she said then blushed, especially when his mouth gaped slightly. 'I mean the conversation we had before you left for the summer - the jury reached its verdict...'

'Your relationship was guilty of a mismatch?' Pacey arched a sympathetic brow.

'However we feel or felt, or whatever we thought - we're not supposed to be together. I'm absolutely sure of that,' she explained so simply.

'Suddenly so sure - how come?'

'I wish Jen were here,' Joey sighed.

'I can call her,' Pacey offered in an instant.

'No you can't. First off I don't want anyone to know where I am, you have to promise...'

'I can't promise that,' Pacey shook his head.

'Fine then I'll move again,' she stuck out her jaw obstinately.

'Fine whatever, I promise I won't tell anyone. Now why else can't I call Jen?' Pacey sighed.

'Because we don't have a phone yet,' she smirked and he laughed slightly. 'And I wish Jen were here because then I'd be talking to her and she actually cares about me, unlike you.'

'I care.'

'Sure,' she arched a sceptical brow. Pacey frowned but ignored that for the moment,

'So why the cut off Joey? You've tried to push people away before but never like this.'

'Look at me Pacey,' Joey murmured and Pacey took her in again, feeling the concern for her rumble in his stomach along with his hunger. 'I thought I was sick, I thought I had cancer,' the words came in soft whispers and Pacey felt his insides contract painfully.

'But you don't?' he asked, his words no more than a whisper.

'No I don't,' she fought back tears. 'I'm having a baby is all.'

'Having a baby?' Pacey echoed totally blindsided. He hadn't even considered that, especially not Joey - she was so vivacious, so determined, so goal orientated.

'Yeah I found out the week before college. I didn't know what to do. How could I tell Bessie? How could I tell anyone? I'm so ashamed, so embarrassed. Everyone was so proud of me, so excited. Bessie can't stop boasting. Jack and Jen kept going on about how much fun we were all going to have.

I want to be eighteen and at college, but I'm going to be eighteen and a mom. I'm trying to keep up with classes but if I fall behind I lose my scholarship. I will fall behind and I will lose my scholarship and then I'll have to give up college. I'll become exactly what everyone thought I would be. I've screwed it all up. I'm such an idiot.'

'Oh Joey,' Pacey wasn't immediately sure what to say being as surprised as he was. He did however know that he hated her thinking about herself so negatively, 'You're not an idiot Jo,' his affection for her was overwhelming and so he moved so he could sit on the arm of her chair and wrap her in his arms. Leaning over he kissed the top of her head, continuing to hold her close.

'I am. I was so full of it. I was class valedictorian and I should have taken better care. And now, despite all my big talking I'm going to end up a single mom working my ass off at some shitty job and relying on charity,' she rubbed a hand over her eyes but she wasn't crying like he thought.

'Ok Jo lets take this slow. First off, how come you're here?'

'I met Daniel at this support centre. We hit it off and he and Alex were looking for a lodger. They don't charge me much and I like them. They treat me like family not a tenant. I couldn't stay living with a roommate - it would be too embarrassing and it was too expensive!'

'Ok well that's good. Now the single mom part. Have you told Dawson?'

'No and I won't,' her eyes blazed fiercely as she turned in his embrace.

'You really need to.'

'Look, my life has been altered inconceivably - one life is enough. I don't need to take him down too.'

'Maybe he'd want to be taken down - you're his soul mate!' Pacey attempted his voice soft and soothing, knowing that they'd just fight if he challenged.

'Come on Pace! You know what it would mean for him - he'd have to leave college and he'd lose out on all the things he hoped for. Think how you would feel if Andie turned up and said "Hey Pace, I'm pregnant," or worse, some one night stand!' Joey sighed as Pacey blanched at the thought.

'That is an extremely fair point but you're not some one night stand. You guys were together for years. And at the end of the day I think I'd rather know that not,' he attempted.

'Ever heard the phrase ignorance is bliss? Just imagine being tied to some girl who you care about but don't love for the rest of your life? Imagine getting an offer to go sailing, or study abroad, or make that movie - it would all have a consequence because you'd be a dad. You'd never have the time in your life when every opportunity could be taken because you'd always be tied as a financially and emotionally as a father.'

'Look Joey I can see your point. I honestly can. It isn't any guys fantasy to become a dad at eighteen and you're right. If Andie showed up and said she was having my baby I would honestly be gutted. That's because I'm not ready and Andie isn't the girl for me. Dawson is more mature and he knows you're the girl he wants, he's always known.'

'So maybe I'm the one that's not so sure anymore?' Joey admitted in a small voice and Paceys head snapped to look at her.

'Ok, well that is more difficult. But Joey, even if Dawson isn't your romantic destiny you're still best friends. Surely best friends can work through this together?'

'Maybe,' she murmured clearly unconvinced.

'I'm sure of it Joey,' Pacey insisted rubbing her shoulder affectionately.

'I have to be honest with you Pace,' Joey began looking up at him, her dark eyes locking with his.

'Yeah?' he felt slightly breathless under the intensity of her gaze.

'I'm not going to tell Dawson and I want you to promise the same.'

'You're not?' he asked still trapped by her eyes.

'No. I don't want to ruin any guys life because I didn't take proper care,' she insisted.

'Maybe it's a cliché but it does take two to tango you know?' he told her and she smiled slightly.

'Sure it does but after Bessie I should have been on the pill,' she shrugged.

'But he shouldn't have assumed you were,' Pacey pointed out.

'Ain't that the truth, but I guess neither of us was thinking to clearly.'

'No I suppose not,' Pacey acknowledged ruefully not really wanting to think of Dawson in any sexual situation.

'Anyway Pace, this has been nice but really you can go now,' Joey suddenly flustered aware that it was Pacey Witter she'd just been discussing her life with in such detail. Pacey that had her wrapped in a warm, comforting hug.

'I thought you mentioned something about steaks, sausages and stuff?'

'Did I?' she asked him blankly.

'Yeah and if you want me to keep quiet you've got to feed me...'

'Nothing comes free with you, does it?!' Joey scowled.

'Not so much,' Pacey grinned and reluctantly Joey pushed herself from her chair and his arms. Standing she straightened her clothes and Pacey stared at her. Wearing a funky denim skirt and a red top he could see the slight roundness of her stomach, especially as she had gotten so thin. 'Wow,' he murmured and standing from his chair he took a step toward her, placing his hands on the curve of her stomach almost by instinct, feeling a sudden lump in his throat and the urge to protect her.

'What is it about pregnancy that makes people think I want their hands all over me?' Joey snapped but there was no real bite to her bark.

'Joey it's beautiful,' Pacey protested keeping his hands on her mid-drift, nudging up her top so his hands smoothed over her soft skin.

'It's biology not beautiful. And of all the biological functions of humans this is one of the less beautiful. Let me tell you that throwing up each morning is actually pretty disgusting,' she took his hands and removed them from herself.

'Cynic,' he grumped at the loss of contact.

'I'm not a cynic, I'm just getting first hand experience of the less than pleasant side effects of this beautiful condition.'

'Have you had a scan yet?' Pacey asked still staring in bewildered wonder at her stomach.

'No Pacey I haven't,' Joey moved to the barbeque and began to fuss with the coals.

'How come?' there was an edge to his voice hinting at his concern.

'Look Pacey this is all none of your business and I didn't ask for you to turn all motherly on me. Last time I checked you didn't even like me much!'

'Lets get a couple of things straight here Potter - either you let me check on you from time to time or you let me tell Jen and Jack, Bessie and Dawson so they can all make sure you look after yourself,' he took her arm and turned her to look at him. Staring at the ground she eventually looked at him, her eyes viciously angry. 'And I like you plenty.'

'You cant blackmail me like that. This is my life and I'm managing just fine,' she snapped ignoring the latter.

'Look Joey, I haven't missed the fact that you've sorted somewhere to live, that you're attending classes and I'll bet you've got yourself a job as well. What I did miss was the bit where you look like you're doing ok. You don't look well and as your long term enemy I feel that it's important I force you into taking care of yourself,' he gave her a smile, one of his biggest and best smiles.

'Fine,' she huffed and stormed into the house, brushing past Daniel who arched a surprised brow at Pacey before introducing himself in confusion.

* * *

'What are you doing here?' Joey glared at Pacey who was waiting outside the campus in a fancy car. 'And where did you steal the car?'

'So droll Potter. Get in and I'll tell you,' he told her. After a moments hesitation and a rather brusk gust of wind, she opened the door and slumped into the plush leather seat.

'So?' she looked at him.

'Firstly I didn't steal the car I borrowed it,' he began.

'You're not telling me your dad traded in the Witter Wagoneer for this bad boy?' Joey couldn't conceal her surprise.

'No - you know better than that Jo! I borrowed this car and for the next twelve months I'll be paying for it,' he grinned.

'You bought a car?' Joey turned to him incredulous.

'You know at your barbeque last week it seemed like you were listening as I was telling you all about my great new job,' Pacey teased.

'I was listening I just, well, I never imagined you'd be doing this well, this quickly. Jack emailed and said your apartment together is amazing. Pacey, it's really great how well you're doing..." she trailed off looking at him with the gentlest expression.

'Don't make me blush girl,' he turned on the car. 'It's not like I believe it'll last. I know my life only too well. I do good and then I screw up. It's a pattern,' he sighed deeply.

'I believe in you Pacey. You're good at what youre doing,' Joey told him firmly. 'Or that's what the car would have me believe,' she added with a crooked smile.

'Materialistic to the end,' Pacey griped but practically melted at the smile on her face.

'I don't think the man driving the fancy car should be talking about materialism to the poor, pregnant, single girl,' she pointed out.

'But this is the beast to get you to your appointment,' Pacey rubbed the steering wheel affectionately.

'What appointment?' Joey asked suspiciously as Pacey pulled into the traffic.

'Your doctors appointment at the hospital.'

'I don't have one,'Joey frowned.

'I beg to differ. Four pm, Miss Josephine Potter with Doctor James.'

'Tell me you didn't make me an appointment,' Joey growled.

'I gave you a week and you Miss Potter are putting it off, so I took the matter into my own hands.'

'I can't believe you,' she looked out the window grumpily.

'Well in half an hour you're going to see your baby for the first time and you'll have a doctor making sure you're a-ok.'

'Did it ever occur to you that maybe I'm not going to keep this baby? That maybe I'm still thinking things through? That maybe...oh forget it,' she sighed so deeply that Pacey removed his eyes from the road for a second to look at her, also totally shocked by her valid point. It wasn't that he wasn't pro-choice, he was - women should 100 per cent have the right to choose, it was just after seeing Joey at the barbeque, watching her and the small little caresses she made of her stomach, and just seeing how beautiful she looked, it hadn't crossed his mind that she wouldn't keep it.

'Not keep it?' he asked blankly. 'I guess from the way you were speaking I kinda assumed...well, I'm sorry Jo. I'm such an ass sometimes. I was just worried about you and I made assumptions.'

'Oh don't worry,' she huffed a little, repenting to an extent, 'I had already chosen to keep it and I think it's probably to late to do anything about it anyway,' she gave him a small smile and he grinned in return feeling relieved but not sure why.

* * *

'Do you want me to come in?' Pacey asked as they locked the car and headed into the hospital.

'You really don't have to. I can meet you in the coffee shop,' she shrugged uneasily, biting her lip with nerves.

'I'd like to come in with you if that's ok?' he looked at her, both playing on stepping stones around the issue.

'Well if you want to you can come wait with me, but you're not coming in for the scan,' she frowned at him.

'Like I'd even think it,' Pacey frowned back.

'I'm doing this by myself,' Joey reasserted.

'I know that,' Pacey reconfirmed as Joey told the receptionist she was there and they moved to sit on two uncomfortable chairs, Pacey's eyes flitting about the couple filled room and then to Joey, her rounded stomach and her hands twisting anxiously together. Without thinking too much he reached over and put his hand over hers, stilling their anxious movements, and then entwined his fingers with the fingers on one of her hands. If Joey was surprised she didn't say so, just held on tightly. 'You're nervous,' Pacey tried to sooth.

'No I'm not,' Joey pouted back.

'It'll be fine,' Pacey told her gently.

'Maybe it won't,' she bit her lip again.

'I can come in with you?' he offered again.

'No way Pacey,' she shot back.

'Josephine Potter,' a large African American woman called into the waiting room and Pacey felt Joey jump.

'Come in with me Pacey,' she squeaked.

'Of course,' he couldn't stop the silly smile from plastering itself across his face.

'I'm Doctor James,' the lady shook Joeys hand. 'You must be Josephine and you must be dad?'

'No he's friend, not the father,' Joey said quickly.

'Yeah, just a friend,' Pacey echoed startled by the suggestion - his father would just love that, him getting the town convicts daughter pregnant at eighteen. Funny how golden boy screwed up for once. Feeling instantly guilty at the thought, Pacey followed Joey into the examination room.

'Ok Josephine, if you put the gown on and then I'll be back and we'll do a scan see if we can get an accurate due date for your baby,' the Doctor smiled kindly and left the room.

'I'll turn around,' Pacey muttered after seeing her expression.

'Yeah and no peeking,' she growled.

* * *

'Ok Josephine, so you how have you been feeling?' Doctor James asked as Joey perched on the edge of the examination table.

'Um tired I guess. I've been trying to make it to classes at college and I've been working in a supermarket. I spend a lot of hours on my feet so I guess thats why I'm tired.'

'Other than tired? Any nausea?'

'You could say that. I get nauseous all the time. I've lost weight because I throw up so much,' she shrugged a little.

'You've lost weight?' the Doctor frowned.

'Just a bit,' Joey admitted ignoring Paceys intense look.

'So when was your last menstruation?' the Doctor asked scribbling on her pad.

'Well my periods are never regular. Sometimes they last five days, others I just bleed a little bit. I guess I bled a bit in June and in July. I missed August and with the weight loss I kind of figured I was over worked.'

"Ok and when did you do the pregnancy test?'

'About six weeks ago,' Joey nodded shyly.

'Ok well if you lie back we'll have a look at baby and then take some blood and do a few other little tests.'

'Ok,' Joey nodded and lay back. Tentatively Pacey reached for her hand and was surprised when she allowed him to hold it without comment as they both stared at the monitor.

'Ok,' the Doctor moved the scanning equipment over Joey's stomach and the sound of a fast beating heart filled the room. Joey couldn't help but smile and when she looked at Pacey he was grinning to. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. 'Now Josephine I want you to breathe deeply, I need to tell you about what I'm seeing here...' the Doctors words caused both Pacey and Joey to freeze.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

'Are you ok?' Pacey asked for the twentieth time as he drove Joey home from the hospital.

'I'm fine, honestly,' Joey repeated blankly for the twentieth time as she continued to stare out the window.

'You can talk to me you know?'

'I know,' she whispered and then there was silence.

'So?' he breathed.

'I don't want to talk,' she barely said the words and he was almost certain she wiped away a tear but his focus was on the road and he couldn't be sure.

'Are you sure?' his eyes flitted to her briefly.

'I'm fine, ok,' again the blank tone.

'Maybe I should call Jen?' he suggested.

'No Pacey. I don't want to see anyone. I just want to go home.'

'Well we're here,' he frowned as he pulled up behind the truck the three housemates shared.

'Ok well I'll see you,' she opened the door of the car and pulled herself out.

'I'll drive you to your next appointment,' Pacey told her carefully.

'No it's ok. I can take the L.'

'I'd like to drive you,' he tried again his heart beating loudly in his chest.

'You really don't need to. Thank you for taking me to this appointment,' she added the latter sincerely but without much enthusiasm.

'It was a pleasure Joey. Do you want me to come in? I can come in,' he didn't want to leave her.

'No I'll be fine. I'll go lie down before work,' she sighed deeply.

'Make sure you have some dinner,' Pacey couldn't get rid of the nagging concern that was residing deep inside of him.

'My need for sleep is greater than my need for food Pace,' Joey rolled her eyes so characteristically that Pacey couldn't help but adore her.

'Ok Jo you go sleep and I'll see you soon I guess. I will drive you.'

'I'll take the L,' she repeated with a nod.

'Look, sleep well and we'll talk soon,' he insisted.

'No phone, remember,' she shrugged. 'Don't worry about me Pacey.'

'I'll always worry about you Jo,' he shrugged as well. 'And I will see you soon.'

'Yeah soon...thanks for being so understanding Pacey,' she smiled a small smile and turned to head into the house.

'Any time Potter.'

* * *

'When I said I'd see you soon I meant in a few weeks, days at the very least, certainly not in a few hours,' Joey frowned still grumpy with sleep.

'Now you wipe that pouty look off your pretty face because I happen to have cooked you the most delicious meal of your life,' Pacey tapped the spoon on the edge of the saucepan and Joey couldn't help the smile tugging at her lips as she took in the ridiculous apron. Her stomach grumbled loudly at the smells wafting through the kitchen.

'You didn't need to do this,' she put a hand on his arm and he stared at it for a moment before grinning easily.

'I heard what the Doc said, and she said better food and more of it. If you won't make the time to cook and eat, then someone's got to do it for you, and as you're a stubborn ass that someone seems to be me,' he picked up the spoon and put it towards her so she could try the sauce. 'You need to build up your strength for Thursday as well.'

'That's really good,' Joey couldn't mask her surprise as she tasted the sauce, ignoring his comment about building up her strength.

'This boy is pretty good in the kitchen you know,' Pacey nodded putting a plate of food in front of her as she fiddled with her work uniform. 'Cute uniform,' he chuckled at the bright and rather cliché supermarket uniform, thinking she looked positively adorable.

'Thanks,' she muttered sarcastically before tucking into her dinner. 'This is really good.'

'Thanks,' he sat beside her and began to eat.

'Who let you in?'

'Dan,' Pacey acknowledged. 'We really hit it off at the barbecue.'

'No shame,' Joey tutted looking at him with a smirk.

'What's that supposed to mean?' Pacey arched his brows.

'It means you have no shame - you invite yourself to a barbecue, you invite yourself in to cook, you invite yourself to make necessary appointments for unwilling friends,' she was teasing gently, too tired for their normal banter.

'About the appointment Joey...' Pacey looked at her nervously.

'As I said earlier, I really don't want or need to talk about it,' she rubbed a hand across her tired eyes.

'Will you talk to work about some time off?' he asked instead.

'Yeah I have to don't I? I wouldn't be surprised if I lose my job,' she pinned her name badge on.

'You could always get a job as a vacuum cleaner,' Pacey teased looking at her polished plate.

'Guess I was hungrier than I thought,' she winked at him before moving to wash both their dishes.

'Let me do that,' Pacey insisted shoving her gently out the way.

'I'm not an invalid,' Joey frowned.

'But you're pregnant and there are issues, you need to take it easy. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if you did lose your job,' he muttered thoughtfully.

'Yeah it would be just great! I wouldn't be able to eat, pay rent, buy clothes...'

'You could go back to Bessie,' he attempted weakly knowing that whilst it might be logical, the emotional ramifications would probably be too much for Joey.

'No way!' she flashed determined eyes to him, 'Bessie is struggling financially as it is. She's only managing to eat because she works four evenings a week when Bodie looks after Alex. I couldn't do that to her. I'm eighteen and no longer her responsibility.'

'Ok Jo, ok, I kinda thought you'd say that,' Pacey calmed her. 'Let's get you to work.'

'I'll walk.'

'I'll drive you,' he wiped his hands.

'I can walk, it really isn't far.'

'I'll drive you, it's no trouble.'

'But it's only four blocks away,' she slammed the front door behind them as they picked their way across the messy yard.

'Four blocks you don't need to walk because I'm happy to drive you.'

'The doctor said I needed to keep doing gentle exercise,' she defended.

'And that's walking around for the next six hours,' he said obstinately.

'I'm walking.'

'Get in the car Potter,' Pacey ordered.

'No.'

'Why does everything have to be a battle with you?'

'Because you're a bossy control freak,' she explained pointedly.

'Me the control freak? That's rich.'

'I am not a control freak,' she huffed.

'Then get in the damn car,' he pulled the door open and after glaring at him she got in the car. Grinning Pacey skipped around to his side.

* * *

'You again,' Joey rolled her eyes.

'Me again,' Pacey grinned cheerfully putting a plate of pancakes in front of her at the kitchen table.

'Don't you have some high powered job you should be at?' she muttered biting into the delicious blueberry pancakes.

'That I do, and I'll be arriving there in good time after dropping you at your class,' Pacey nodded easily joining her at the table.

'You know breaking and entering is still illegal in this country?' she asked wishing the pancakes didn't taste so damn good.

'Alex and Dan were quite happy to let me in and they greatly enjoyed their pancakes before they headed to work.'

Joey rolled her eyes reaching for a mug of coffee on the table. Before her hand could grasp the mug Pacey had whipped it away and put a glass of orange juice in its place.

'I'm getting a restraining order,' Joey muttered darkly.

* * *

'This is getting ridiculous,' Joey huffed as she came in from her shift at the store to find Pacey cooking some chicken dish and chatting with Dan and Alex.

'Sorry I didn't pick you up from your class,' Pacey apologized. 'I was working.'

'I didn't expect you to pick me up after my class,' Joey scowled. 'Did you two let him in again?' she turned to Alex and Dan.

'We like your boy,' Alex smiled.

'He can be convincing,' Dan defended.

'And after the long, long talk we all had,' Joey sighed in defeat as she kicked off her shoes and took a welcome seat at the table. 'And for the twentieth time, he's not my boy.'

'I'm not,' Pacey agreed.

'See?' she looked at Alex and Dan who merely shared a somewhat irritating knowing look.

'I'm moving out,' she told them both but they were totally unfazed.

'Well aren't you just a box of sunshine today,' Alex tutted but Dan shot him a look. 'Sorry Joey.'

'Why are you sorry?' Joey looked at him suspiciously and then at Pacey who was a little too absorbed with the food. 'Pacey?'

'I told them you weren't very well and that you were having a little trouble with the news,' Pacey admitted, his eyes wide beseeching her for understanding.

'Just because I don't want to talk about it to you doesn't mean I'm having trouble with the news,' Joey sighed and then sat back in her chair. She liked Alex and Dan a lot but it didn't change the fact that she didn't know them that well and arguing with Pacey about something personal in front of them was a little too much. 'I'm going to go lie down,' she told them all feeling an overwhelming sadness consume her and sudden tears threaten her eyes.

'You know before you turned up that girl was sweet as candy,' Alex told Pacey with a grin as Joey headed down the hall to her room.

'I have an interesting effect on her,' Pacey noted.

'She'll be ok?' Dan asked cautiously.

'I hope so,' Pacey murmured and with a nod at the two men headed for Joeys room.

* * *

Pacey didn't bother to knock on Joeys door. He knew she wouldn't let him in, so he just opened the door quietly. Joey's room was tiny and the only immaculate room in the house. Used to living in a lounge Joey had perfected the art of minimalist living.

Pacey looked at her sat on the edge of her small single bed, her thin arms hanging limply by her side, silent tears running down her cheeks and he wanted more than anything to take away some of her pain, some of her loneliness. He wanted her to know he was there for her and start relying on him instead of being so independent. Moving to the bed he gathered her into his arms, surprised at how willingly she accepted his comfort.

Holding her close, her tears wetting his shirt and his hand tangled in her hair he pressed soft kisses to her forehead wishing he was better able to comfort her. He wished that Jen or Dawson had been the one to find out what was happening so she had someone that she actually liked to provide her with comfort, but instead she had him.

'I'm scared Pace,' she whispered softly against his chest.

'I know you are Jo, but I'm going to be there with you the whole time, I promise,' he soothed, kissing away her tears.

'Really?' she asked wide eyed.

'You really think I'd leave you to go through it alone?' he asked with a shake of his head, and held her closer, wishing Dawson weren't such an idiot. However, a small part of him, just begging to be heard, was secretly pleased to be the one there for her.

'Why are you being so nice to me?' she sniffed into his shirt. 'you're so...kind and thoughtful and well, I don't really know why.'

'We're friends aren't we Jo?' he asked. 'I mean, I know we like the verbal banter, but we also like each other, right?' he sat back from her and his blue eyes locked with hers.

'Yeah... we are,' she agreed.

'I've known you for a long time Jo. A really long time. I have never liked it when your hurting.'

'And you've always tried to cheer me up,' she smiled ruefully.

'Not always elegantly, but yeah,' he agreed.

'Thanks Pace.'

* * *

'Hey D,' Pacey coughed nervously, shifting his cell against his ear.

'Pacey man. How are you? How's Boston?'

'It's all good. The job's going really well, I bought a car, man you should see her.'

'That's great Pace. Things are pretty great here. I mean life is a dream come true, the course is everything I hoped it would be and I'm making a short film.'

'Wow that's pretty cool. Not about us I hope?'

'Maybe a little,' Dawson laughed.

'Any progress on the romance front?' Pacey asked hoping he didn't sound as awkward as he felt.

'No I'm still hoping Joey will change her mind. She's my soul mate. I try to date other girls, but somehow they just can't compete.'

'So you think you might make it here to visit any time soon?' Pacey desperately wanted to tell Dawson everything that was going on but he held back because he'd given his word to Joey.

'Not looking likely. I need to put so many hours into this film,' Dawson wasn't getting the hint.

'I really think you should come back for a visit especially if you want to win Joey back.'

'Did she say something?' Dawson asked quickly, 'because Jack and Jen say they still can't manage to meet up with her and her emails are courteous at best. I mean they're warm and affectionate, they just lack something.'

'She hasn't said anything no, I just think this weekend would be a really good time to visit.'

'This weekend?' Dawson scoffed. 'Pacey it's the middle of the semester and we have mid-terms and there's just no way. Not till Spring.'

'Why not Christmas?' Pacey asked hurriedly.

'My parents are bringing Lily out here, they want to see what it's like out here for me.'

'I'll say this again Dawson, I think that now is a really good time for you to visit.'

'Is something wrong?' Dawson hedged.

'Something's not right,' Pacey attempted knowing he was walking a fine line.

'What's going on Pacey?' Dawson asked firmly.

'I can't tell you man, just trust me it's a good time to visit,' he told him.

'I can't just drop everything if you won't even tell me what's going on,' Dawson almost laughed at him.

'Fine then,' Pacey couldn't keep some of the contempt from his voice. 'Look D, I got to go. I'll speak to you soon.'

'Sure,' Dawson could tell Pacey was pissed at him but didn't know why, but decided to leave it given that Pacey could get like that at times.

Pacey hung up the phone thinking that if Joey really meant as much to Dawson as he made out then Dawson would have forced the issue and would be on the next plane to Boston.

* * *

'Hey Joey, you're looking gorgeous today,' Pacey told her honestly, his eyes appreciating the leg revealing skirt. He grinned at her as he met her in the kitchen early Thursday morning.

'What did you do?' she stared at him suspiciously.

'Nothing,' he told her unconvincingly.

'Pacey,' she demanded.

'Ok, I got you a couple of things and I don't want you doing your whole "I will survive" number. I know you will survive but I wanted to make survival a little more pleasant.'

'Pacey,' Joey admonished.

'Here, it's just a few things,' Pacey blushed as he handed her a bag full of bits and pieces. Joey blushed as well and then peered inside taking in the fruit fragranced washes and shampoos, the pretty pink pyjamas, the cosy slippers, and the book she mentioned that she wanted to read.

'I can't take all this,' she shook her head desperately wanting the pyjamas.

'Jo, I've got this massive disposable income. I've bought myself the killer of all televisions and a car, I think I can afford to treat you a little.'

'But...' Joey blushed an even deeper red.

'No buts missy, now lets get going.'

'Thank you,' she told him softly and unexpectedly wrapped her arms around him leaning up to kiss his cheek.

'Let's get you up to hospital frauline, the sooner this operation is done the better and yes I know you don't want to talk about it,' he flustered under her affection, smiling broadly at the kiss.

'You're right I don't, but if I do I'll be sure to talk to you,' her smile met his.

* * *

They arrived at the hospital and Pacey's found a spot, turning off the engine he looked at Joey. She was staring rather fixedly at the windscreen.

'Are you ok?' he asked it because she didn't look ok.

'Why are you being so nice to me?' she turned large eyes on him. 'I mean, we're friends now, I get that. I also get that we always were, in our own way. But you're above and beyond that. Why?' she shrugged her shoulders but didn't seem to be pushing at something. Pacey wondered whether he should just tell her he couldn't forget their night together. Or maybe that she made him completely crazy and in a really good way. He could have told her that taking care of her just felt right. He didn't really know what to say.

'I like spending time with you,' he said simply.

'But you're always doing stuff for me. What do I bring to the table?' she frowned.

'You bring plenty,' he said but she rolled her eyes.

'Like what?'

'You make me laugh,' he smiled, 'you know how to debate the issues and as you've said before my brain cell does need exercise.'

'Ha ha,' she almost smiled.

'I like looking after you. I like spending time with you - I always have fun with you.'

'Even when I'm a bitch?'

'You're not a bitch, just a little high maintenance,' he teased and this time she smiled.

'Come on Jo, lets get in.'

'You really don't have to be there.'

'I want to be there,' he squeezed her hand.

* * *

'Ok Joey lets go over the procedure again,' Doctor James eyed her young patient and the "not the dad" friend.

'Ok,' Joey nodded whilst Pacey sat in the background trying not to intrude.

'Can we have a few minutes?' the Doctor asked him gently.

'Can he stay?'

'Can I?' Pacey's moved forward and took Joey's hand.

'Well ok then...' she nodded. 'Ok if you look at the scan here you can see the two babies. Normally if one twin dies early on its absorbed into the placenta of the other twin. Unfortunately in your case you were having fraternal twins and for some reason that hasn't happened. It seems that somehow twin B is interfering with the growth of twin A. Due to the other issues you've been having, the medical team and I think we should abort the deceased foetus in order to give the other baby a good chance. Do you have any questions? Do you understand that all?'

'What will you do with it?' she asked in a very small voice.

'Because it died before being viable we'd normally just treat it as an abortion but you can bury or cremate the baby if you want? Or with your permission it can be used in research into foetal complications?'

'Ok,' Joey shook her head. _Its not a baby yet really. It died before it became a baby - its just my baby_

'Ok?' the Doctor pushed gently.

'The last one, do the last thing you said. I give my permission if it means you can perhaps prevent this happening to someone else,' she sighed.

'Are you sure?' Pacey asked gently and took her hand.

'What would you do?' she looked at him, her eyes glassy with tears.

'I'm all for research,' he shrugged uneasily.

'Then I'm sure,' she nodded.

'That's a brave decision,' the Doctor told her. 'Any other questions?'

'Can I see it?'

'If you want to.'

'No I don't want to,' she decided suddenly. 'Will my other baby be ok?'

'Your other baby should be fine. The procedure carries a risk of miscarriage so we'll keep you in for 24 hours. However, you should start to feel a lot better and quite quickly.'

'Ok.'

'Well if you're ok, we'll get the forms signed and get you down to theatre in the next couple of hours.'

'Ok,' she nodded again and looked at Pacey who leant forward and kissed her forehead.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Joey's eyes felt really heavy and they were burning red for some reason, making them sting. With as much effort as she could muster she just about managed to crank her lids up and was forced to squint against the sunshine streaming into the bright white room.

'Hey there sleepy girl,' Paceys deep voice intoned as his hand slipped into hers.

'The baby?' she asked as her memory of where she was and why she was there came abruptly to her. She was surprised when her voice came out as nothing more than a whisper as her throat was so dry.

'Here,' Pacey put a straw to her parched lips and she sucked the water greedily.

'Is it ok?' she asked again.

'The operation was successful. You had a little bleeding but they've got it under control. The other baby should be fine,' he told her softly but there was something he wasn't telling her, she could tell.

'What happened?' she squeezed his hand, still squinting against the sun.

'Let me get the blinds, it's really bright in here,' he stalled jumping up and lowering the blinds.

'Pacey,' Joey beseeched.

'Ok Jo,' he sat by the bed and took her hand. 'Everything is ok. Your baby is doing well. The thing is, well, I got scared and I called Bessie,' he stared at her waiting for the anger, but instead she just nodded acceptingly.

'What did she say?' she asked softly.

'She was pretty mad, more mad that you hadn't told her than the fact you were pregnant I think.' Pacey didn't feel the need to tell her about the disappointment and the tears that her sister hadn't been able to hide.

'I suppose she had to find out and maybe she'll go easy on me because I'm in here?' she looked at him hopefully and he chuckled,

'Maybe.'

'Did you see the baby?' she asked at length. 'The dead one,' she added the unnecessary clarification.

'No but it wouldn't have been that big,' he smoothed the hair from her forehead, his fingers tenderly tracing the lines of her face.

'Thanks for staying,' she smiled at him weakly.

'Look Joey, I was thinking, Jack and I, we have a spare room and well it would make sense if you stayed with us. We're near Jen and Grams and surely it wouldn't hurt to have some support, people are going to find out eventually and now is as good a time as any...'

'Are you targeting me while I'm weak because you think I'll say yes?' she asked suspiciously.

'Um, well it's just, well it was all taking a long time and after I called Bessie, I called Jen and um, Jack and well they're outside.'

'Pacey,' Joey frowned.

'I would say I'm sorry but frankly Potter I'm not. I'm sorry I broke my word but I think that you needed to tell them. They love you and want to help.'

'So they know I'm pregnant?' she asked.

'Not exactly, I er, told them that you were in hospital that some things were going on and thats why you hadn't seen them.'

'You're a pain in the ass you know? I was quite happy living in secretive, lonely denial until you had to go and provide me with health treatment, a family, friends and support,' she teased.

'I can see how those things might be unwanted,' he grinned.

* * *

'What the hell has been going on Joey?' Jen stormed into the room, rushing up to the bed and throwing her arms about her friend.

'Yeah Jo it sucks to be dropped you know,' Jack was close behind and despite his words he places a kiss on Joeys cheek.

'I'm sorry I kind of freaked out.'

'Freaked out about what?' Jen demanded sitting on the edge of the bed as Jack plonked himself in the chair.

'I did a pregnancy test the week before college,' Joey let the implication sink in.

'Shit,' Jen muttered as Jack exclaimed,

'Fuck.'

'You can say both those things again,' Joey nodded.

'Fuck,' Jen murmured as Jack chose her expletive,

'Shit.'

'Yeah, I was embarrassed and I did what Joey Potter always does - I hid and convinced myself I could do it alone. You know that denial trick of mine?'

'But you don't need to be alone,' Jack told her.

'And you won't be now Joey, but well, why are you in here?' Jen asked tentatively.

'Oh I wish Pacey had told you all, its well,' Joey sighed deeply, 'I was having twins but one died so they had to abort it, thats all really. I'm going to be fine now.'

'Oh Joey,' Jen and Jack seemed to say as one person.

'It's ok, really it is,' Joey tried not to sniff.

'This is us Jo, you don't have to be brave anymore,' Jen said as Jack sat on the other side of the bed.

'I just feel so empty which is funny because I'm not - one baby is still in there, but somehow it doesn't seem to fill the void of the other,' Joey felt hot tears spill from her eyes.

'I don't think it's supposed to,' Jack rubbed her shoulder.

'It'll take time but you will feel better about this,' Jen kissed Joeys head.

'I know you're right it's just right now all I want to do is eat custard and wallow,' Joey pouted as Jack and Jen hugged her tightly.

'You should have called us sooner,' Jen admonished.

'I wish I had, I'm really glad you guys are here,' Joey sniffed.

Watching from the doorway Pacey closed the door quietly behind him surprised at how sad he suddenly felt. Not only did he feel something like regret and sorrow about the lost child but he felt suddenly jealous of the obvious relief in Joey at having Jen and Jack back. If he was honest with himself he had to admit that he had enjoyed being the one to look after Joey, to banter with her and make sure she was taken care of. He loved to make her smile and to do the things for her that needed doing. He had enjoyed spending time with her, even when she was grumpy and infuriating because Joey Potter being grumpy and infuriating was such a hedonistic experience. Sighing he headed out of the ward to get some air.

'You must come and stay with Grams and me,' Jen rubbed Joeys shoulder.

'Oh, but how can I? You guys don't have room.'

'Of course we do. And Grams can cook you all sorts of healthy food and she'll help look after the baby,' Jen continued enthusiastically.

'Pacey actually offered me a room with him and Jack,' Joey looked to Jack who nodded.

'Pacey? You'd actually consider living with that, and I'm quoting you here Joey, "perverted cretin,"' Jen gawped. 'And how did you know about this already?' she looked at Jack.

'He told me in the washroom,' Jack shrugged easily.

'Thats what you talk about while you're doing your business?' Jen asked.

'We talk about all sorts, but today we talked about that,' Jack smirked.

'And you?' Jen looked at Joey.

'He has a spare room.'

'True.'

'And a Jack.'

'True again.'

'And Pacey can actually be ok,' Joey admitted.

'Very true,' Jen gleamed in triumph.

'He's really been there for me,' Joey ignored Jens wise sage look.

'Pacey's a good guy.'

'Yeah he is,' Joey agreed.

'Now I agreed to this but I have to ask something. Don't you only ever fight with Pacey?' Jack queried.

'Did you confront Pacey with that in the washroom?' Jen enquired archly.

'Actually I did,' he gave her a smug look.

'And what did he say?' Joey asked.

'It's fun to fight with Joey Potter,' Jack grinned and winked at them both.

'So why ask me?' Joey stated.

'Well I guess two people I've only ever seen banter and fight are suddenly friends?' Jack looked uncomfortable.

'We've always been friends and it's fun to fight with Pacey Witter. Sometimes we actually talk to each other. Pacey's very good at being there. He's an amazing guy.'

'Aaah Jo, I'm getting all choked up,' Jack teased softly.

'Thanks for saying yes to him,' Joey smiled.

'I can't believe you want to live with those two slobs instead of Grams and me,' Jen shook her head ruefully.

'Ideally you'd be living with us as well,' Joey pointed out and Jens pout turned into a smile.

'One day I'll grow up and leave home but till then I'll visit you lots. You're only a couple of blocks away after all.'

'By the way, Jen and I are going to LA to beat on Dawson,' Jack bit his tongue making him look like an enthusiastic child.

'You can't beat on Dawson,' Joey pish-poshed.

'Why can't I? I've been looking forward to it,' Jack pouted.

'Yeah. We get to take him down one ball each,' Jen pouted as well.

'Thanks for that mental image,' Joey scowled. 'You can't beat on Dawson because Dawson doesn't know.'

'Why not?' Jen demanded.

'Oh ask Pacey,' Joey muttered

* * *

There was a tap on her hospital room door.

'Come in,' Joey called, smiling as Pacey poked his head into the room.

'You weren't sleeping?' he queried hovering by the door uncertainly.

'No just thinking. What are you doing back? I thought I'd seen the last of you for the day when you left earlier?'

'I can go if you want,' Pacey looked at the door clearly taking her comment to mean he wasn't wanted.

'That's not what I meant Pace,' Joey smiled at him. 'It's nice that you're back. I'm glad.'

'I just thought I'd leave you to catch up with Jen and Jack. It was nice to see you happier, you know being with people you care about. You looked better just from seeing them,' he shrugged uneasily.

'I care about you as well,' Joey told him carefully, picking up on something in his tone.

'You do?' he looked at her, a smile beginning, the tension seeping from his shoulders.

'You should know that - what was it you said once - you've just got to read between the banter?'

'You said it first,' he told her sitting on the edge of the bed.

'I did, huh?' she smiled almost shyly.

'Yeah you did,' he was smiling properly now.

'Well I may have moaned and grumped this last couple of weeks, but I dont know what I would have done without you. Thank you Pace. And thank you for staying with me today and being there when I woke up. Thank you for calling Bessie and for calling Jack and Jen.'

'I was happy to do it, I wanted to even. How did it go with Bessie?'

'Well she's staying with Grams until I'm better. She was pretty mad and pretty disappointed. She wanted to get on the next flight to LA just so she could castrate Dawson but I told her not to. I think she'll calm down,' Joey sighed slightly.

'I imagine she just wishes she could do more to help,' Pacey told her.

'I imagine you're right,' Joey nodded. 'I kind of wish she could as well.'

'So guess what I brought you?' Pacey asked lifting the atmosphere and a bag onto the bed.

'What?' she eyed the bag suspiciously.

'Well a little birdie told me you were having a craving for custard,' Pacey pulled the tub from the bag and Joey's eyes widened in happiness.

'Custard and wallowing,' she murmured licking her lips.

'Well here's the custard, shall I leave you to the wallowing?' Pacey put the custard on a table for her.

'No,' Joey said a little too quickly, 'well go if you need to, but I'd like you to stay,' Joey admitted as Pacey smiled brightly and began taking the lid off the custard tub. 'I honestly don't mind if you need to go...'

'There's no where I need to be,' Pacey told her firmly.

'Good custard,' Joey closed her eyes in appreciation as she ate a mouthful.

'I brought pickles to go with it, you know in case you had a craving,' Pacey plonked a large jar of pickles beside the custard and Joey rolled her eyes, then eyed the pickle jar thoughtfully before opening it and dipping one into the custard. 'It's official, you are gross - it was meant to be a joke,' Pacey stared in horror.

'A very tasty joke,' she nodded.

'So Jen said she and Grams would love to have you stay,' Pacey began staring a little too intently at the tub of custard.

'Yeah,' Joey stared just as intently at the jar of pickles, wondering why Jen would say that to Pacey when she knew that she was going to live with Pacey and Jack.

'I suppose it would be good to have Grams around and she can cook,' Pacey smiled, but the Tupperware was the recipient of his best effort.

'You're probably right,' Joey snuck a look at him.

'But you know, should you want to accept my offer, well I'd love to have you stay - you would get your own room,' he was fiddling with the pickles, picking one out of the jar, dipping it in custard and absentmindedly passing it to her. She took the pickle and their fingers touched briefly.

Joey cleared her throat as Pacey snatched his hand away, surprised by the jump his stomach had made at the brief contact, taking the pickle with him and putting it in his mouth without thinking, just to hide his sudden embarrassment. He grimaced at the taste.

'That's disgusting,' he almost spat it out.

'Do you mean it?' Joey asked.

'Yeah, custard and pickles is an ungodly combination,' he stared at the remnants of the offending pickle.

'I mean about staying with you, because well, a room would be useful, but I dont want to get in the way of you and Jack, and whilst Jacks not to bad you do have a reputation with the girls,' she was trying to tease but Pacey looked offended.

'I'm not so bad,' he told her.

'I know, I just meant that having me around it probably wouldn't be ideal for two single guys and I doubt I could afford the rent.'

'I could sub you rent wise,' he told her, entranced by her lips that seemed suddenly so kissable, so damn kissable.

'Why would you do that?'

'Because Jack and I would rather share with you than a stranger. You and your baby. And the whole bringing girls back? If I do bring girls back, I'll be discrete and having you in the room next door will not be a problem.'

'Then if you're sure,'Joey smiled at him.

'I'm sure,' he grinned.

'Dan and Alex will be mad,' she shook her head slightly.

'They'll understand,' he felt suddenly very relieved.

* * *

'Home sweet home,' Pacey announced as they awkwardly arrived at his and Jacks apartment.

'It's lovely here,' Joey looked in wide eyed wonder at the large television, nice lounge and the light and airy environment.

'Yeah,' Pacey shifted from foot to foot. Things had been awkward since he picked her up from the hospital. She was quiet and withdrawn as if she was deep in thought, her mind clearly weighed down. 'So shall I show you around?'

'That would be nice,' she nodded as he began the grand tour.

'This is my room,' he opened the door to a small room which had stuff everywhere.

'You live messy,' Joey observed.

'I prefer the term comfortable,' he defended shutting the door.

'It looks like you only just moved in...' she trailed off as he opened the door to her room, putting two and two together easily. 'Pacey did you switch rooms with me?' she asked seriously.

'Nah I'm just messy.'

'Pacey?'

'Ok I did, but it was an attempt to be gallant, and really Potter you should be more appreciative because I might just decide to switch back and let me tell you something that room is tiny and there is no way you're fitting you and a baby in there so just say thank you Pacey and be done,' he said in one long breath.

'Breathe Pace,' Joey ordered and he breathed deeply. 'Thank you Pacey,' standing on tip toes she kissed his cheek.

'A pleasure Potter,' Pacey murmured thinking about the funny feeling in his stomach. _Goddamn butterflies! Where the hell did they come from_? he thought and then stared at Joey thinking how beautiful she was, the kind of beautiful that didn't just give him butterflies but gave him hundreds of them. 'I, um, better leave you so you can get sorted. I brought your stuff over from Alex and Dans. They understand and are coming over for dinner,' he quickly shut the door leaving her in her room slightly bemused as he leant against her door trying to still his breathing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

'What you guys watching?' Pacey dropped onto the couch next to Joey shifting her closer to Jen and chucking a beer to Jack who was lounging in the armchair with his feet on the coffee table. Jen scowled at him from her now squashed position next to Joey.

'And where's my beer Pacey?' she asked scathingly. 'Just because Joey can't drink...'

'For your information Lindley, we only had two beers left and as Jackers actually lives here, and thus actually contributed to the cost of said beers, he got the last one!'

'Nothing like looking after your guests,' Jen swatted at him behind Joey's shoulder.

'If I recall you're actually Joey's guest, so start blaming her about the lack of beer for you,' Pacey grinned.

'Hey don't start blaming me, I'm away with the fairies at the moment, even the smell of beer makes me want to worship the porcelain chamber, I certainly don't think about buying it,' Joey wrinkled her nose in distaste at Pacey's beer.

'This makes you sick?' Pacey looked aghast.

'Mmmmm, you could say that,' Joey looked decidedly ashen. In fact she heaved herself off the couch using Jen and Pacey's legs as leverage and headed for the bathroom, returning a few minutes later smelling like toothpaste.

'Shouldn't you be past the morning sickness phase?' Jen arched a brow whilst Joey plonked herself back in her seat.

'Nothing about this pregnancy has gone normally,' Joey shook her head and nodded to Jack to resume the movie. 'Pacey you can still drink your beer - I'll sit somewhere else,' she whispered the words in his ear having immediately noticed his beer was gone. Pacey leaned closer to her at the intimate move.

'I'd rather drink water and sit next to you,' he whispered back and she ignored the tingle that shot through her.

'When exactly is the baby due?' Jack asked as _Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome_ continued to play out, not having noticed the interaction between Joey and Pacey at all.

'April according to the doctor,' Joey shrugged.

'Wow I can't believe you'll be a mom then,' Jen squeezed Joeys arm.

'Neither can I!'

* * *

Pacey smiled broadly as he entered his apartment. Joey had been living there for about three weeks and it was working out better than he could ever have imagined. Jen was there more often than not, and Jack seemed to relish having a pregnant Joey around, no matter how much his fraternity brothers teased him about it. It was interesting for Pacey to see the same protective streak in Jack when it came to Joey as he had. Although all four of them had friends outside of the foursome, when they were all together something just clicked and they interacted so easily. As strange as it were they were a bit like a family.

_But in a way they were a family_, Pacey pondered as he watched Joey attempt to cook spaghetti bolognaise whilst Jack and Jen played a game of asshole at the kitchen table. They'd all had strange upbringings without the stereotypical family to support them, and thus they'd turned to one another. He smiled to himself as Joey tasted her sauce and grimaced complaining to Jen and Jack,

'I can't tell whether it needs more salt or less,' in a frustrated tone.

'Less,' Jen and Jack replied in unison without even looking up from their game.

'How do you know? You haven't even tried it,' she waved the wooden spoon at them splattering the floor with sauce much to her distress.

'The answer is always less when it comes to sugar and salt,' Jen recited a lesson clearly learned from Grams.

'My kid is so going to suffer from malnutrition,' Joey pouted and looked at the saucepan with careful contemplation. After a moment she grabbed another tin of tomatoes from the cupboard and opened them, upturning them into the sauce.

'What are you doing woman?' Pacey couldn't help but chuckle.

'They said it needed less salt,' Joey defended, 'so I figured more tomatoes would dilute it.'

'That doesn't exactly work,' Pacey frowned as he tasted the sauce. He didn't want to hurt her feelings but it was disgusting And extremely hot. 'What did you put in here?' he asked casually.

'Normal sauce stuff,' she eyed him cautiously, 'tomatoes, mince, onion, peppers, mushrooms, garlic and herbs all the stuff on your list.'

'What kind of peppers?' Pacey asked carefully.

'I don't know - they were peppers!' Joey sat down on a chair next to Jen watching as Pacey began to chop more vegetables having shrugged off his suit jacket and pulled on an apron.

'I think you used chilli peppers and parsley, I meant basil and oregano and sweet peppers,' he gave her a soft look over his shoulder.

'Then you should have been specific and said that,my brain is on vacation at the moment,' she growled as Jack dealt her into the round of asshole chuckling.

'The girl offers to cook and then she complains,' Pacey shrugged helplessly.

'I was trying to do something nice and if I recall correctly you're the one complaining I've done it wrong.'

'Lets take a vote,' Pacey grinned and held out a spoon of Joey's sauce to both Jen and Jack, who after eyeing it suspiciously and then Joey's angry face both ate the sauce. Unfortunately neither could keep the grimace from their faces as they reached for the water.

'It's nice Jo,' Jack nodded.

'Yeah, if you like your mouth being burnt to hell,' Jen muttered.

'I didn't think it was so bad,' Joey took a mouthful of her sauce from Pacey and nodded in approval.

'No offence Jo, but your taste in food is a little off at the moment,' Jen teased her friend.

'I hate you all,' she mumbled before playing the winning card in the game of asshole making both Jack and Jen groan.

'How do you always win?' Jack moaned.

'Skill.'

'It's a game of luck.'

'Then luck,' Joey said easily smiling broadly at them all.

'Seeing as I'm now cooking and it's actually your turn, how about you make this hard working boy a cup of something hot?' Pacey gave Joey the puppy dog eyes.

'That look so doesn't work on me,' she rolled her eyes but after a beat stood and offered everyone some tea.

'I think it does Josephine,' he grinned as he threw the mushrooms into the new sauce.

'I was thirsty,' she growled but he just stared at her in adoration.

* * *

'How was class frauline?' Pacey queried as he returned home from work, flopping onto the couch beside Joey.

'Tiring. This pregnancy lark sucks. Everyone stares and if that's not bad enough, just sitting in class for three hours has become totally exhausting, and to top it all off I have a shift at the supermarket later and I can't get my uniform to do up,' she frowned surprised when her eyes burned with tears.

'I'm nifty with a needle,' Pacey shrugged easily and like that the tears evaporated. Shuffling back on the couch he pulled her feet onto his lap and began rubbing them. _God, when did I become such a sucker for this girl that I'd massage her feet just for the opportunity to touch her_? he questioned himself as his fingers responded to the little noises she emitted as he reached the sore spots.

'Is there anything you're not good at?' Joey groaned softly, and Pacey shifted hoping she wouldn't realise the effect she had on him.

'You were there during high school right?' he joked but she just lay back and closed her eyes.

'Why don't you have a girlfriend?' she asked rhetorically as he moved his hands up her legs rubbing the tension from the muscles.

'You know- no time,' he quipped realising how much he loved her in one simple second. She was just lying there, her soft hair in low pigtails, her blouse barely covering her belly that now very obviously carried another little life. Her eyes were closed and her mouth parted as she relaxed under his gentle touch and he felt his heart constrict with the sheer gut wrenching, heart stopping, butterfly inducing realisation that he couldn't love anyone more than he loved the girl he was looking at. He was so far in love with her, that he realised he hadn't been able to see it, or understand it. One minute he was innocently looking out for her and now he realised there was nothing innocent about it. She'd bewitched him, made him care about her so much that he hadn't even realised that he cared more about her happiness than he did his own.

She stretched slightly and it broke his trance. Turning her head slightly he realized she'd gone and fallen asleep and he allowed himself the pleasure of just watching her, putting a hand on her stomach so he could feel the baby as it moved. He began rubbing gentle circles so that the baby's activity didn't wake its mother.

* * *

'Why is Dawson being so stubborn?' Jack frowned kicking at the table leg in frustration.

'Because he doesn't know,' Jen said simply. 'It's easy to be stubborn when you don't know whats going on. He's hurt because Joey pushed him away.'

'Are we even sure the baby is his?' Jack asked. 'I mean he doesn't seem to be picking up hints.'

'Dawson is just clueless and a little self-involved. The baby is definitely his,' Pacey crossed his arms thinking angrily on the subject. At first he'd been relieved when the doctor told them the due date. Back in October he was still in denial about Joey but now now he was in love with her and more than anything he wished that their one hedonistic night had made the baby rather than the months she must have spent with Dawson.

'You're right I know. I mean she's only ever been with him. Tell me again why we can't just tell him?' Jack scowled.

'Because we promised,' Jen punched his shoulder lightly.

'Yeah well, he sucks, I mean if Joey meant as much to him as he makes out, why hasn't he been here trying to win her back?' Jack pondered.

'Who knows,' Pacey muttered distractedly, not wanting to admit how relieved he was that Dawson hadn't been back. It was selfish he knew. Seeing Jen staring at him he quickly looked away, then turned back,

'So how are things going with this Charlie guy?' he asked as a change of topic.

'You know, I think were going to have to find some kind of magical song?'

'What are you talking about?' Pacey looked at her.

'We need, like a Pied Piper of Massachusetts, someone who can lure all the bastard men in the town off a cliff and thus rid the state of all moronic, two-timing assholes that think monogamy is passé,' she declared.

'Touché,' Jack toasted with his beer.

'So Pacey, when is the date with that secretary from your work?' Jen tossed at him, keen to move on from discussing her love life.

'Um, tonight actually,' he coughed nervously. He'd only agreed to the date in a desperate attempt to knock some of the shine off his feelings for Joey and with the way Jen was looking at him he was almost convinced she knew it.

'Right, so does Joey know?' she asked casually.

'Yes,' Pacey admitted shooting a venomous glare in Jacks direction.

'How was I supposed to know we weren't telling Joey about your dates,' Jack shrugged helplessly. 'And why is that again?'

'Date,' Pacey clarified, 'and we're not, not telling her.'

'So why did you curse?'

'Because she didn't bat an eyelid,' Jen explained to Jack.

'Oh,' Jacks mouth fell open as he put two and two together.

'Whatever man, it doesn't matter, Milly is a very attractive lady and we're going to have a great time tonight!'

* * *

Joey didn't know why she felt like crying but she had been on the brink of, and in tears all night. A customer actually found her sobbing into the cookie aisle and wisely left her to it. Firstly, Pacey hadn't picked her up from her shift at the supermarket like he normally did when she worked the late shift, but then that was because he had a date. With Milly. The blond bimbo of a receptionist at his work. The girl was an idiot, but of course Pacey wasn't dating her for her brains - more her boobs. The girl didn't even know there were fifty states and yet Pacey was on a date with her, Joey thought bitterly as she recalled a conversation she'd overheard involving Milly, back when Pacey had taken her to a work party.

That wasn't the only reason she felt like crying. Not only had she missed Pacey smiling from inside the warm car, but she had to wait ages in the cold for the bus, and when she was finally on it her uniform had broken showing the skin around her belly. Luckily her coat covered it but instead of going to bed she had to sew it up for her shift in the morning. Staff normally got two uniforms but she was going through them so quickly they'd limited her to one.

Sat on the couch with the uniform in her hand Joey sighed deeply. The tears were still near the surface and the melodic music she'd put on wasn't exactly helping her mood. The needle pricked her finger for the fourth time and she only just managed to swallow back the tears of frustration when the door burst open, Pacey and Milly pushing through it, their lips and bodies connected. Joey stared steadfastly at her lap - they were drunk and clearly had one thing on their minds.

'Oh, hey Jo,' Pacey disentangled himself from the blond.

'Don't mind me,' she scowled unable to look Pacey in the eye.

'Um, hey Jo, you remember um...'

'Mindy?' Joey filled in spitefully.

'Milly actually,' Milly shook Joey's hand distastefully taking in her pregnant stomach poking out over her baggy pyjama bottoms.

'That's what I said,' Joey nodded. 'I'm off to bed.'

'Joey you don't need to leave. We were going to have a coffee. Do you want a coffee? Or a peppermint tea? That would be better for you. Or even a hot chocolate. You know the baby needs calcium,' he stumbled as he reached for mugs.

'I'm fine,' she couldn't wait to get out of the room scared she was going to cry in front of them.

'Seriously Jo, it's no trouble we could watch a movie or...'

'She said she's fine,' Milly interjected.

'I'm going to head to bed, you know I have the early shift tomorrow,' she gestured at the clock and headed for the stairs.

'I can drive you,' Pacey called after her, desperate for her to stay, or for what he wasn't sure.

'I can take the bus, it's ok Pace. Enjoy your night.'

'Night,' Milly called unable to keep the triumph from her voice as Joey's door shut behind her.

* * *

Pacey moved his lips to Millys neck, pushing her blond hair out the way and she moaned pressing her body closer to his. Pacey shifted away entirely embarrassed that being in such proximity with the leggy and buxom blond was having absolutely zero effect on him. All he could think about was Joey lying alone in the room next door. _What was it he'd told her? Something about her not having any impact on his bringing girls home_. He couldn't have been more wrong.

'Is something wrong Pacey?' Milly asked when she realised Pacey had stopped kissing her.

'I don't think this is such a good idea,' he explained awkwardly pulling away from her completely.

'Why not?' he could see the hurt in her face.

'Just with us working together, I don't really know what I was thinking, you're very pretty and well...'

'If I'm so pretty, why don't you want me?' she asked her eyes brimming with tears.

'Well we've only had one date, I wouldn't normally sleep with a girl on a first date anyway but I well I don't know...'

'Is the baby yours?' Milly spat out the question. Most of the office had been speculating ever since the party.

'No my best friends,' Pacey looked at his hands awkwardly.

'But you wish it was yours don't you?' Milly suddenly felt sorry for him. As much as she liked him, the situation she was in wasn't nearly as messy as his situation.

'Yeah I do,' he nodded.

* * *

Pacey watched Joey sleeping, then knelt down beside her bed and gently smoothed the hair from her face.

'Mmmmm what?' she murmured her eyes fluttering open.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered.

'What? Why Pacey?' Joey couldn't think why he'd be sorry. He'd done nothing wrong.

'I should have picked you up from work tonight and I'm sorry I didn't,' leaning over he kissed her forehead, letting the kiss linger a little longer than he should have before padding from the room, leaving her fixed uniform on the chair by the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Joey shifted in her seat until she was comfortable, her feet tucked underneath her as she read her book. Under Pacey's care and attention she was definitely not skinny anymore she decided. Whilst she wasn't fat, or even pudgy, she had definitely gotten healthy.

'Hey Jo, what you reading?' Pacey asked sitting beside her, lifting her feet and putting them down again on his lap.

'_Catch 22_,' she gave him a lob-sided smile and yawned.

'Tired?'

'Always. You?' she arched a brow.

'I'm beginning to think this stock market malarkey isn't for me, sure it pays well and I can't deny the money is good, and I do like being good at something, something that will actually make dad proud of me, but I don't know...'

'Still fantasising about that cooking job?' she asked knowingly, thinking back to that conversation they had shared the night of graduation.

'I prefer the term chef!' he winked.

'Well if the way you cook here is any indication...' she began.

'You think I should go for it?' he asked hopefully.

'I was going to say you should stick to the stock-market,' she rolled her eyes and gave him a cheeky smile.

'Thanks for the vote,' Pacey shot her a dirty look.

'Seriously Pace, you'd be an amazing chef - somehow you know just what goes with what and for me, with my weird taste, just what doesn't go!' she prodded him playfully.

'Hmmm true,' he smiled pleased with her compliment.

'Don't you find it funny?' she asked staring at the blank TV screen.

'You're going to have to be a little more specific Potter,' Pacey teased gently because of her wistful tone.

'Well don't you find it funny that we've managed to switch places...'

'You're losing me here,' Pacey gave her a confused look, wondering how long he'd be able to resist the already intense and intensifying urge to kiss her.

'Well, I was the one with the high aspirations. God I was so high and mighty about what a success I was going to be because I was going to this great college...'

'You're still there,' Pacey insisted but she simply shot him a get real look.

'And you, you had this idea that what you did wasn't really important compared to hanging with your family and friends. And well now you're the big success, showing everyone that the gritty underdog can make it and I'm the one saying, well as long as I can look after my child and my baby is happy that's all that's important.'

'Firstly Jo,' Pacey took her hand. 'You'll achieve all that you want to, it's just going to take some time. Grams will help with babysitting so you can keep up with classes and they'll accept a few late assignments. Secondly, considering I have this great career I'm the one thinking of giving it all up and becoming a chef! And thirdly, _gritty underdog_?' he scowled at her and Joey laughed,

'I think Dawson used the term once for you and I, or maybe it was Jen.'

'_Seriously_?' Pacey's voice squeaked endearingly.

'Yeah it was Dawson, he was going on about how we understood each other because were coming from the same place.'

'Dawson thought we understood each other?' again with the squeak.

'Well he thought there was something underneath the banter. He thought we pushed each other so hard because we were trying to help each other get where we wanted to be. Does that make sense?'

'I hated you,' Pacey teased.

'And I hated you,' Joey smiled back.

'Well Dawson is a dumbass,' Pacey explained.

'Hmmm,' Joey answered her mind had clearly drifted elsewhere. Instead of continuing the conversation Pacey began to rub her feet so that she stretched in that cute feline way of hers.

* * *

Pacey threw the pan he was drying into the cupboard and picked up some cutlery from the draining board. Unceremoniously he threw that into the drawer and grabbed the frying pan.

'You looking for someone to batter to death with that?' Jen queried staring at him.

'No, just clearing up,' his voice was hard.

'I know that it hurts,' Jen said softly as he threw the frying pan into the cupboard.

'That what hurts? Because I'm just fine.'

'Being in love with someone who doesn't seem to notice,' Jen chose her words carefully. She'd been watching Joey and wasn't sure how she felt about Pacey. They were certainly very close, closer than they ever had been but there was something Joey was holding back. Sometimes walls would go up and she'd retreat into herself.

'I'm not in love,' Pacey scowled throwing the chopping board next to the trays.

'Try convincing someone that doesn't already know that you are,' Jen told him gently.

'She's on the phone to him right now,' Pacey burst out throwing down the towel he was using to dry the dishes.

'To Dawson? I didn't know they were talking?'

'Neither did I. But apparently she felt like talking when he rang up, to speak to me I might add, and she answered.'

'Oh,' Jen breathed the word out. 'But thats a good thing right?' she asked and Pacey seemed to break out of his stupor long enough to look at her with a dazed expression. 'Well he needs to be involved and if she's talking to him that's a good sign,' Jen explained.

'Oh yeah I suppose it is,' Pacey cast his eyes downwards. 'You're right. I'm such an idiot. Of course it is. How selfish do I want to be? She's his soulmate after all,' he couldn't help the bitterness, 'and she's having his baby,' he growled and headed for the front door.

'Where are you going?' Jen called after him.

'Out,' he shouted at her slamming the door behind him.

'What's up with Pacey?' Joey raised concerned eyes to Jens as she wondered in hanging up the phone.

'He's just suffering from a little pre menstrual tension I think,' Jen quipped. 'How was talking to Dawson?'

'It was nice actually. I've missed speaking to him, you know hearing his voice. It was always such an everyday thing, such a part of life.'

'Did you tell him?' Jen asked and Joey just shook her head.

'Oh no, I didn't want to do that,' she said simply.

'You'll have to tell him at some point,' Jen insisted.

'And at some point I will.'

* * *

Pacey returned home, perhaps a little drunk, surprised to see Joey lying on the couch.

'Jo,' he meant to say her name to wake her but it came out softly, more as a caress. She didn't stir and so he knelt beside her, putting a hand on her arm unable to resist running it down the length of bare skin to her hand. She moaned and he thought he might die.

'Honey...' he shook her gently.

'Pace,' she moaned softly and opened her eyes. Moving her hands about his neck she pulled him to her for a hug, 'you left and were so mad,' she murmured, 'why were you so upset? Did I upset you?'

'Oh Jo, not you, of course not,' he hugged her, 'I'm not mad at you.'

'But you are mad?' she sat up and pulled him down beside her cuddling into him.

'I guess I felt mad at Dawson.'

'It's not his fault,' Joey attempted to defend.

'I don't care, it still fucks me off,' he growled.

'Sometimes it's hard to say things Pace, but it doesn't mean they're not true...'

'What's that mean?' he was calming down at last, under her touch.

'Just that I love how much you care. I can't always say things well... but I hate you being mad and upset because of me.'

'You're worth it.'

* * *

It was bitingly cold, -8 at the very least and Joey couldn't feel her toes. She'd only been stood at the bus stop in the snow for ten minutes and her boots were already covered in a layer of snow. When she'd left work she had hoped Pacey would be waiting for her but unlike normal he hadn't been there to pick her up, which she knew because he'd called her earlier to apologize that he needed to work late. He'd told her to get a taxi but she knew the state of her finances better than anyone and so she stood and waited for the late bus. It had been half an hour and as she peered down the street there was no sign of any bus at all, let alone the one she needed to get on.

'Take a seat,' the old lady sat in the bus shelter told her.

'I feel like they'll come sooner if I watch,' Joey smiled and continued to stand in the snow. She wasn't sure how November had arrived so soon. Soon it would be Christmas and then motherhood and then who knew what. She sighed deeply. The lady in the shelter misunderstood the sigh.

'A watched pot never boils and a watched for bus never turns up,' she said in her shaky voice.

'So very true,' Joey agreed and was about to sit down with the lady when a car pulled up next to the curb.

'You have to be the most stubborn girl alive,' Pacey stared at her from inside the car, partly furious and partly frustrated.

'I couldn't afford a taxi,' Joey huffed.

'I would have paid for it. Jeez Joey, you're almost six months pregnant and its like minus ten. You're meant to be looking after yourself. Now please get in the car,' he asked.

'I'll wait for the bus,' she told him, clearly irritated with not only his irritation but his bossiness.

'Come on Joey, just get in the car,' he leaned across and pushed the door open.

'I thought you had a meeting to attend.'

'We got out early and as you weren't home so I came and looked for you,' he growled.

'I'm not a child. I can get around town fine by myself,' she felt anger surge through her body.

'I know you're not a child, I'm trying to look out for you, look after you.'

'I don't need looking after. I've looked after myself for long enough,' she snapped back.

'And this is a version of looking after yourself huh?' he muttered sarcastically.

'I was enjoying the snow,' she shouted obstinately.

'You're going to freeze to death,' Pacey told her.

'So? It's my choice.'

'Sure it is. Of course it is!' he raised his hands in despair. 'See if I care.'

'Stop treating me like I can't look after myself,' Joey insisted.

'Then start acting like you can,' he insisted back, knowing it was unfair.

'What did I do that was so wrong? I go to classes, I go to the doctor, I go to work and when I'm not going anywhere I do my exercises and I relax. I eat healthy even when you're not around. When you can't take me to class, or work I take public transport and I'm just fine.'

'You don't need me, I get it,' Pacey's face had set into a grim line as he gripped the steering wheel.

'No Pacey, I don't need you,' she growled back slamming the door to the warm car and watching it speed away. Sighing deeply she wiped away an unexpected tear and turned back to the bus shelter surprised to find it empty. Looking up at the electronic timetable her heart sank to read the red word Cancelled next to every route.

* * *

'You're the fourth cab company I've called, please tell me you have a cab?' Joey paced up and down in front of the shelter trying to keep warm. The cold had seeped through every layer of clothing she was wearing, through her skin and was now residing deep within her bones making every movement hurt. She just hoped the baby was warm.

'I'm sorry love, the roads are a nightmare and with all the buses cancelled - everyone is calling us.'

'Ok thanks,' Joey hung up feeling tears of despair. The L had stopped running hours ago and it was a good three mile walk home, if not more.

'Will you get in the car now Potter,' Pacey appeared out of nowhere, his car sliding up to the curb almost silently because of the snow. Without a word she slunk into the seat and the warmth unable to keep from shivering.

Pacey had set the window wipers to fast and it was still nearly impossible to see. After driving off angrily Pacey had stopped around the other side of the block fighting back tears. He hated that everything she said was true. She didn't need him and of course she was Joey Potter so he knew that already. He just liked to feel that he made her life easier. After the anger and hurt had subsided a little he tried to circle the block so he could apologise and pick her up, anything to have her home safely. Unfortunately he couldn't turn left at the next intersection and when he could, he turned left into practically stationary traffic, so it was a good half an hour before he finally pulled up in front of her.

'So this is the silent treatment huh?' he asked at length. 'Because you know its frosty enough outside without the Ice queen in here.'

'I'm not giving you the silent treatment Pacey,' Joey scowled out the frosty window.

'Right!' he couldn't help the sarcasm. 'You're just full of warmth.' He waited for her come back but it never came. Silence filled the car and it was a full three minutes before he realised why.

'Are you crying?' he asked, sarcasm gone, his voice soft and full of concern. He hated nothing more than to see her cry.

'No,' she sniffed and he pulled over.

'Look Joey I'm sorry. I was a jerk and...'

'You weren't a jerk,' she interrupted him looking at him with large eyes, glassy with tears. 'You were being a friend. You were looking after me. You were helping me out. You were giving me support. You were anything but a jerk. I was the jerk,' she covered her hands with her eyes and cried harder.

'Why are you crying Jo,' Pacey undid his safety belt and leaned across to hug her.

'Because. Just because I thought...I thought I could cope alone that I could do this alone. That I wouldn't effect anyone elses lives, but I do. I've affected everyones lives and probably yours the most and I don't even know why you let me. I wanted to prove I could do it alone and I've proved the exact opposite,' she looked down and he caught her face in his hands, wiping away the tears,

'Jo listen to me,' he urged. 'This is you coping alone. When people talk about coping alone they don't mean isolated from the rest of the world, they mean with the help of friends and family. With the help of charity if necessary. You're coping alone because you're living in a good place with people that care about you. Because you're eating well. Because you've got a job that pays the rent and savings to buy the things you need. You're coping alone really, really well, because coping alone means having a network of people to support you,' he insisted.

'Really?' she looked at him finally, her eyes that had been lowered in tears suddenly risen with hope.

'Absolutely. You're doing so well and that baby in there,' he rubbed her tummy, 'it's really lucky to have you as its mom. Really, really lucky.'

'Thank you Pace,' she sunk into the hug, her head resting against the warmth of his neck. She didn't know why she did it but she pressed her lips to his warm skin, softly and only once.

Pacey's heart began to pound furiously, his skin tingling and his body instantly responding. He turned his head slightly, just enough to press a kiss just under her ear, and then again on her chin and a moment later he could resist no longer and pressed his lips to hers, softly and ever so gently, parting them in the sweetest, most sensual, most boom-bang heart stopping, desire surging kiss he had ever had. Seemingly without thought she began to kiss him back not yet registering the surprise and shock of the kiss nor the implications and ramifications.

For several moments Pacey gave himself over to the act of kissing her. He knew he might never get another chance and whilst she was kissing him back, he'd make sure he gave her a kiss to remember, a kiss that would hopefully let her know exactly how much he loved her. And then it happened. Her beautiful lips were torn from his and her mittened hands were pushing him away, with small thwacks on the chest.

'Pacey,' she growled at him, not sure why she was yelling at him when she had no doubt it was her small kiss on his neck that spurned him on. As far as she was concerned, it wasn't supposed to happen and blaming him was a way to avoid her part. She glared at him again.

'What are you thinking?'

'You...you...' he trailed off, 'I had an urge to kiss you, I did and that urge is most definitely gone,' he sat back in his seat, eyes on the road. She leant across and punched his arm lightly.

'How can you read a moment of emotional sharing as a signal to maul me?' she thwacked him again. 'Do you have any idea how monumentally stupid that was?' she asked hitting him again.

'Excuse me for thinking a kiss is just a kiss,' he muttered.

'When has a kiss ever been just a kiss? In our fragile little universe a kiss between you and I is never just a kiss. I mean what about Dawson?' she glared at him. 'He might have something to say about this! And me - I'm pregnant if you hadn't noticed,' and her mouth drew into a thin line and she opened the door and hauled herself out of her seat and into the cold weather. She began to make her way cautiously down the street, the snow definitely ruining any attempt to stalk off huffily.

'Get in the car Potter.'

'No.'

'Look I'm sorry. I won't try and kiss you again, I promise that idea has well and truly gone. It was an impulse, I went with it, I'm sorry, it's over! So please Joey just get in the car.'

'No,' she continued to stalk clumsily away. Biting back a growl he crawled the few yards up to her in the car.

'Joey it's a long and very, very cold walk home. Just get in the car.'

'I'd rather freeze.'

'Yeah well I'm sure Potter junior would rather stay warm,' Pacey slung his trump card on the table and still clearly furious Joey got into the car, sinking back angrily into her seat and turning her frosty glare onto the street.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

'So this really is the silent treatment right?' Pacey asked casting a sideways glance at Joeys stony profile. Joey's mouth tightened. 'I take it that's a yes. And how long can I expect to receive this?'

'Indefinitely,' Joey couldn't look at him, knowing she'd have to talk to him before long.

'Great, that's really great.'

* * *

'Shall I run you a bath?' Pacey asked Joey as they pushed into the apartment, Joey shivering uncontrollably and sneezing with a suspicious vehemence.

'I don't need a hot bath,' Joey protested sneezing again.

'You're frozen and it will help, so I'll run it,' Pacey ignored her and headed into the bathroom, turning on the taps.

'You think you know everything!' Joey muttered in frustration.

'I don't think I know everything, I'm trying to be helpful,' Pacey growled as he poured in some jasmine bubble bath.

'Helpful?'Joey scoffed. 'You mean to say that kiss back there was your idea of being helpful? You think that taking advantage of me when I'm feeling like I am is helpful?' her voice rose with each question.

'I wasn't trying to take advantage. Goddamnit Joey, I was just trying, I was just...'

'Being helpful?' she finished with mocking sweetness.

'Look I'm sorry for kissing you. It was rash. It was ill-advised. I apologise. It won't happen again. But we both know what started it,' he took a step closer to her.

'Me thanking you?' she glared at him.

'Hmmmm,' he grumbled, even closer now, 'I don't think that was it.'

'So what was it?' she knew full well but would never admit it.

'You did this,' and throwing caution to the wind he bent his head and brushed a soft kiss to the exposed skin of her neck and she moaned, her eyes sliding shut, her pulse erratic. She could feel his warm breath on her skin and it was causing havoc with her libido, tingles and who knew what else prompting her next action.

'Well you did this,' and she pressed her lips to his, kissing away his surprise until he pressed her against the door of the bathroom causing it to slam shut. He kissed her incessantly, with need, his hands gripping onto her. After several moments she seemed to realize what she was doing and pushed him away harshly, his soft moan the echo of his discontent.

'We can't...you can't,' she shook her head. 'No.'

'Jo,' he couldn't seem to say more, just her name to plead with her.

'No Pacey, you need to leave,' and she opened the bathroom door and waited until he walked out before slamming it behind him.

* * *

'

So what the hell was that?' Jack arched an eyebrow at Pacey as he stomped down the stairs unable to keep his mood from expressing itself on his face.

'That was the ramifications of me kissing Joey,' Pacey threw himself onto the couch next to Jack and grabbed the beer from his friends hand.

'You kissed her?'

'Yeah.'

'That's massive dude,' Jack grinned.

'Does this really feel like a dude moment to you?' Pacey pursed his lips.

'It's not a dude moment?' Jacks face fell. 'Well what happened?'

'She was being all cute and all infuriating like only Joey can and she kissed my neck. I mean, she kissed my neck?! What was I supposed to do, so I kissed her and man she did kiss me back.'

'A good kiss?' Jack couldn't stop grinning again, looking like an excited child.

'A very good kiss,' Pacey nodded his blue eyes cloudy.

'So what was with all the shouting just now?'

'After the kissing came the pushing and shoving and the general hitting and then the inevitable mentioning,' Pacey stared at his beer can.

'Dawson?' Jack asked.

'Dawson. I mean what an idiot I am. They broke up what? In early September? Thats like only three and a half months ago. They email and talk on the phone and he's her soul mate! Oh yeah I almost forgot she's having his baby,' Pacey scowled. 'So she kissed me, big deal.'

'Look Pace, this is the way I see it. There's something between you and Joey, and there's something between her and Dawson. Maybe you'll have a chance with her when everything is clear with Dawson. So she mentioned Dawson, that doesn't mean anything. You have all been best friends since you were kids and she hasn't told him about the baby. Hang onto the fact that she kissed you back and get this thing with Dawson sorted.'

'That's your advice?' Pacey leaned back to look at him.

'That's my advice.'

'That's good advice,' he nodded and grabbed the phone.

* * *

Half an hour later Pacey hit speed dial 7 and waited impatiently to connect hoping Joey would stay in her room.

'Hello?' Dawson chirped into his cell.

'Hey D, it's Pacey.'

'Pacey man how are you?'

'Cold! How's the sunshine? We're all pretty jealous of you!'

'Good,' Dawson chuckled. 'I mean the sunshine is good, that your all jealous is just a bonus!' Pacey laughed,

'Look Dawson, we were all thinking, it's Christmas in a few weeks and we're all heading back to Capeside. You'll be in LA with your folks, so we were thinking maybe next weekend you should fly to Boston for an early Christmas weekend. Consider it an early Christmas present from us!'

'I couldn't accept that,' Dawson stated.

'Really man, the ticket is booked and its non-refundable, so no excuses. It's Christmas and you need to see us!'

'That's really generous,' Dawson sounded truly touched. 'Does Joey support this?'

'Yeah man. You guys are friends - she really wants to see you. We all do.'

'Then I'll be there.'

'Don't forget my present,' Pacey grinned but the smile fell from his face as he hung up.

* * *

Pacey plodded down the stairs wearily unable to sleep. Rubbing his eyes he smiled to see Joey in the kitchen.

'Couldn't sleep either, huh?' Pacey asked staring at her, looking at the way the moonlight bounced off her smooth skin as she padded around the kitchen making hot chocolate. Wearing her pyjama bottoms, vest and dressing gown she looked invitingly warm and soft. Pacey wanted nothing more than to wrap himself around her. He shook the thoughts from his head, cursing his inability to control his wondering mind.

'No,' she shook her head wishing she could escape the constant plague of thoughts and memories barraging her whenever she was in his proximity. When they had kissed in the summer she had been embarrassed but then dismissed it and things had returned to normal. But this time she couldn't stop thinking about it, couldn't stop wondering what it all meant.

'You making enough for two?' he asked leaning against the counter.

'Of course,' she smiled impishly and then rubbed her stomach blowing a kiss at it.

'So droll,' he murmured.

'I'm sure me and the kid will leave some for you,' she teased.

'Are we ok?' Pacey asked at length unable to bear any tension between them, moving towards her until they were facing each other. She didn't answer immediately but continued to stare at him. Good lord but he could feel the heat between them and if he could, surely she could? It was truly futile to fight the urge to touch her. They were touchy feely and now he wasn't supposed to touch her, or was he? It was confusing and those eyes, and that skin and that heat, that damn electrical tug pulling them together. All of that, and just his hand moved inside the warmth of her dressing gown to rest on the smooth skin of her hip. She didn't push him away so he took a minuscule step closer and his other hand slid onto her other hip. She bit down on her lip, her eyes still locked with his. He took another step closer until his stomach pressed against her tummy. His thumbs moved in a slow circle over the bare skin between her pyjama pants and top. Her eyes fluttered shut momentarily and then opened again. 'Are we ok Jo?' he repeated his question, only this time he breathed the words into her ear and his lips touched her fleetingly. She let out a gasp, a small puff of air really and moved her head just a faction of an inch until her lips pressed against the skin at his throat. She held them there, breathing in the smell of him, her arms moving of their own accord to his hands, holding them to her hips.

'Yeah of course we are,' she murmured after several moments, and wrapping her hands around his, moved them from her hips. She pressed her lips once more to his neck and took a step back letting go of his hands.

* * *

'Are you ok Joey? You look like you could do with some talking?' Jen asked as the brunette furrowed her brow in thought whilst staring at the blank TV screen.

'I'm fine,' Joey murmured emptily.

'Sure. Now spill,' Jen tugged on her arm until she had her friends attention.

'Pacey kissed me,' Joey stated knowing she had to talk soon or she'd burst.

'He did huh?' Jen nodded thoughtfully.

'You're not surprised?'

'Could kind of see that one coming,' Jen smiled softly at Joey and her dazed expression.

'How come I didn't?' she pouted.

'Sometimes it's harder to see things clearly when we're up close.'

'Thats true. So what do you think it meant?' Joeys brow furrowed in thought.

'Only two individuals can answer that question for you. But you can answer me this: was it a nice kiss?'

'Lets just say it wasn't like any kiss I've ever had before, even with Pacey and now? Now whenever we're in the same room together, it's like we're magnetized.' Joey blushed furiously.

'Hang on, we're best friends right?' Jen was gob smacked by Joey's indication that she'd kissed Pacey before.

'Yeah.'

'So when did you kiss Pacey that I don't know about?' Jens eyes had widened to proverbial saucers.

'He kissed me Sophomore year, after we worked on this snail project together and well last summer. In June, you remember graduation night?' Joey babbled looking at her hands.

'You mean death by tequila night?' Jen couldn't believe what she was hearing.

'Yeah. Dawson dumped me and Pacey found out about Andie and Mark. He came down to the dock to drown his sorrows and found me there drowning mine.'

'Ok, let's just ignore the fact that I'm furious that you didn't tell me about that and focus on the detail. This recent kiss of yours and Pacey's was different to the kiss back then?' Jen wasn't really mad, but she figured Joey didn't have to know that.

'Very different and don't be offended that I didn't tell you, I told no one - it was Pacey after all and Dawson and I got back together the next day.'

'Ok two things Jo, firstly if you told no one because it was "Pacey" back then, how come you're telling me now and its still just Pacey? And secondly, what made the kisses so different?

'You don't ask the easy questions do you?' Joey stared at Jen her brain turning things over.

'I'll ask the easy questions if you want the easy answers. My advice - take your time to come up with the difficult answers,' Jen rubbed Joeys shoulder, then brushed the hair from her face. 'You'll figure out what it all means.'

'Can't you just tell me what it all means?' Joey sighed. 'I'm so confused.'

* * *

'So where's my welcome party?' Dawson grinned as he and Pacey hugged at Logan International Airport.

'Just me buddy! Joey's at work, Jen has a yoga class and Jack has a fraternity meeting.'

'On a Friday night?' Dawson scowled.

'They'll be home around when we get there,' Pacey slapped him on the back as they made for the car.

'So how is everyone? I can't believe you and Jack ended up living with Joey!'

'It made sense,'Pacey shrugged easily, as they headed to his car. His mind was flung back to the last few days where every time he and Joey were alone together they seemed unable to stop looking at each other in that longing way. They hadn't kissed again but when they said good night they hugged, for a long time. Her hands would snake around his waist and he'd kiss her hair. Sometimes they'd just hold hands, sat on the couch together they didn't even seem to know who had instigated it but their hands would be together.

'I feel kind of out of things with you guys living together with Jen so near,' Dawson admitted.

'I think Andie's out of things more than anyone,' Pacey reminded him.

'Yeah I suppose,' Dawson nodded ruefully, something flitting across his eyes. 'Hey nice car Pace,' he stared in surprise at the nifty car.

'Yeah and I'm paying for it,' Pacey nodded wryly.

'I can't wait to see this pad of yours and the TV! I've heard all about the TV and it'll be the perfect place to show my latest masterpiece.'

'You brought your movie with you?' Pacey couldn't decide if he was pleased or not.

'Only a rough cut but yeah. You and Joey were my first critics and I need to see how I'm doing.'

'Always happy to oblige when it comes to critiquing a Leery masterpiece!' Pacey gave him a glib smile.

'Good.'

* * *

So, even though it's a little early, we thought we could pretend tonight is Christmas Eve and tomorrow is Christmas Day. Do the whole turkey and present shebang then,' Jen said trying to keep her anger at bay as Dawson sat on the couch oblivious. Jen knew it wasn't his fault but she was protective of Joey and figured if Dawson knew her as well as he claimed to, he would have realized something was up long ago.

'That sounds great. I love the tree. I love being here,' he smiled. 'When is Joey home?' he asked again.

'Like Jack said, I'll go fetch her in about an hour,' only Jen and Jack picked up on the edge to Paceys answer.

'I can't wait to see her.'

'Thanks man,' Jack bit his lower lip pouting.

'Not that I'm not pleased to see all of you,' Dawson rushed to say, 'but I have seen all of you and now I want to see Joey. Man it's good to be back. I mean college is great but there's something about being with people that really know you.'

'Yeah,' Pacey caught Jen and Jacks eyes.

* * *

'Hey Jo,' Pacey grinned, as always just happy to be near her. He now waited outside of his car for her, despite the cold. When he was stood outside the car they would be stood in front of each other. And stood in front of each other, their eyes would meet and he could see thinly masked longing in them. Not as blatant as all his eyes said but enough for him to wrap her in a hug and press kisses to her hair and if he was daring, her cheeks. Tonight he was daring because with Dawson waiting at home he knew things would be different. He was pressing warm kisses to her cheeks but she shifted and suddenly her lips were under his. The first kiss was short and sweet, but his heart pounded and he wanted her so badly, so he pressed his lips to hers again in a very different sort of kiss. She moaned, music to his ears, and opened her mouth to his sneaking her hands inside his coat. They stood kissing, long and hard until the cold filtered through their haze and they broke apart.

'If that's the way we're saying hello these days I am totally on board,' he teased softly, pressing another kiss to her head and sneaking his hand to hers as they turned to the car.

'Hmmm,' she blushed and looked at the ground as he opened the car door for her and she got into the car, wrapped up in her duffle coat and red hat, looking delightful and loveable.

'Work ok?' he asked as he dropped into the drivers seat beside her.

'I suppose. We had a freezer problem. I mean what store has freezer problems on one of the coldest nights of the year,' she pulled out a twinkie and passed it to Pacey who took it with a smile. Dropping it on his lap he caught hold of her mittened hand.

'That's my girl,' he murmured.

'Hey, they were going to throw it because it's a day past its date but I figured it would be ok,' she couldn't stop a small smirk from crossing her face, especially when his fingers squeezed hers.

'You got me an out of date twinkie,' he shot her a wounded look.

'It was cheaper than an in date one,' she claimed.

'Nice to know my taxi service isn't worth the cost of a twinkie,' Pacey teased.

'Pacey, you should have figured that a free taxi service is only worth a free twinkie,' she bit her lower lip to stop from smiling. She loved having these silly, nonsensical debates with Pacey.

'So what will I get if I charge?'

'A loss of clientele,' she told him with a little note of triumph that was ruined when she yawned.

'You tired?'

'Aren't I always?' she pulled out another twinkie and opened it up.

'Well you've got the whole weekend off,' Pacey smiled encouragingly wondering if she'd ever speak to him again when she found Dawson at home. And I cooked dinner,' he chided at the twinkie, which she ate anyway.

'I think I could sleep for a week,' she murmured a minute or two later laying her head back against the headrest. The image of her in his bed, his arms around her, filled his head. It sounded incredibly appealing. Of course that wasn't what she had in mind. Whatever was going on between them, she wasn't going to talk about it, or acknowledge it, or even open up to him. But looking briefly at their hands, entwined together, he wasn't sure he really cared just yet.

* * *

Pacey opened the door for Joey, entering the apartment before her in a bid to prolong her inevitable collision with Dawson. Looking around he found that Dawson was no where to be seen. Jen looked pointedly at the toilet letting Pacey know where their guest was.

'I'm going to go change and have a lie down,' Joey smiled and ruefully patted her stomach.

'Sure ok but Pacey's cooked a gorgeous lasagne,' Jack told her cheerfully.

'Oh, well, yeah food,' she frowned. 'How do you have the energy to eat, let alone cook after work?' she looked at her long term nemesis.

'Oh, you know, I like my food and cooking relaxes me,' he shrugged, grinning as she met his eyes and gave him a small uneven smile.

'See you guys in a bit,' she trudged up the stairs and into her room.

'What now?' Pacey gestured helplessly at Jen and Jack who shrugged. 'You two are a great help.'

'Tell Dawson to go see her in her room. They should probably have some time,' Jen said gently.

'Yeah.. yeah, you're probably right yeah,' Pacey stared nervously at the bathroom as Dawson exited.

'Is she here?' Dawson smiled at Pacey.

'Yeah in her room, go surprise her. But knock because she's changing out of her uniform.'

'Cool,' he grinned and headed for Joey's door, knocking and going in as she called for him to come in. Jack, Jen and Pacey looked at each other and sat on the couch to wait.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

'Dawson shouldn't be shouting at her,' Pacey growled striding up and down in front of the TV.

'He must be shocked,' Jen pointed out carefully.

'Yeah, well, she's pregnant and he needs to be careful with her.'

'Sit down man. You're wearing a hole in the floor,' Jack looked pointedly at the empty armchair where Pacey reluctantly sat himself continuing to tap his foot anxiously.

'She'll be ok. Joey's a feisty girl, you know better than anyone that she can give as good as she gets. Dawson might have some strange bizarre hold on her but she's stood up to him before,' Jen tried to reassure Pacey, as the door to Joey's bedroom burst open and Dawson stormed out, his mouth set in a thin angry line, and his eyes full of tears as he ran down the stairs. 'Are you ok?' Jen couldn't stop the question slipping from her mouth. She'd never seen Dawson look so possessed.

'I'm leaving,' the words were almost a curse. 'I'm going to Capeside.'

'Is that a good idea? You don't look like you should be going anywhere,' Jack attempted as Pacey headed for the stairs and Joey.

'Just leave me the hell alone, all of you. I'm going out,' he yelled and grabbing his coat headed out into the brisk winter night.

* * *

Pacey didn't need to knock on Joey's door for it stood open from Dawson's sharp exit. Peering nervously inside, he wondered how she would respond to him. Upon seeing Dawson's fury he felt the swirling sensation of anxiety in his stomach as he debated whether he'd done the right thing or not. He knew that it wasn't right to betray Joey as he had, but the situation between her and Dawson needed to be sorted so they could move on with their lives. As much as Joey wanted to protect Dawson, Pacey knew that his friend would rather be a father to his child than live in blissful ignorance.

Looking into the room Pacey was surprised to see Joey sitting straight backed on the edge of her bed, still in her uniform, her dark hair a tangle of curls around her shoulders. What scared him was his inability to read the expression on her face, if he could term the blankness there an expression. He stepped cautiously into the room, knowing he deserved whatever curses she might deign to give him.

'Hey Jo,' he said softly sitting down beside her.

'Hey Pace,' the words came out as a breath.

'So I take it the news didn't go down that well,' he asked gently and cautiously took hold of her hand to stop it twisting together anxiously with her other hand. For a moment she stared at where his hand held hers then looked at him and smiled slightly, her eyes flashing with typical Potter spirit. She was making him nervous. He was expecting anger and she was looking at him as if everything were completely normal.

'I would definitely say LA has made that boy more self-centred. I mean, I know I can be a little self-orientated but I'm pregnant and supposed to be. Whereas Dawson, you know it took him a full five minutes to notice my stomach?' she flashed a huge smile at Pacey.

'Really?' he touched her stomach affectionately, feeling relief flood him at her passivity, although warning bells were ringing somewhere distant.

'And in this? My least flattering outfit! Whoever designed these uniforms did not have pregnancy in mind!' she fiddled with the blue material.

'So what did you talk about for five minutes?' Pacey asked and Joey rolled her eyes. 'His movie?' Pacey's eyebrows shot up. 'You've got to be kidding me?'

'Nope. _Just wait till we see it_,' Joey said in a silly voice that sounded nothing like Dawson.

'That guy! So did you bring it to his attention?' Pacey threaded his fingers through hers, allowing his thumb to subtly stroke the skin on the back of her hand.

'Well eventually he looked at me, I mean really looked at me and asked me all tactful like whether I'd put on a little weight,' Joey actually laughed and at the sound Pacey chuckled. Her laughter had always been contagious.

'And you said?'

'I told him that he was very bold to ask any girl a question like that, even if he has known me forever...and of course that made him suspicious and so I told him.'

'Not very happy?' Pacey asked knowing the answer but wanting more of an explanation for Dawson's rage.

'He was hurt I hadn't told him, hurt in lots of ways,' Joey sighed deeply, the first real impact of his reaction showing itself in her demeanour.

'He'll come round Jo, he loves you.'

'Is that why you flew him over here?' she asked arching her brows, the coolness that had been in her tone all along suddenly audible to his ears, along with much louder alarm bells. 'So Dawson and I could sort everything out and I'd be off your hands? He and I could walk off into the sunset together? Is that what you want?'

'I well, I wanted you guys to sort things,' he began hesitantly. 'Not get back together, you have to know I don't want that...well unless you want that, then I guess I'd want that, and the baby...I guess maybe if it was with its dad...but that would only work if you were happy...I just though if you and he cleared the air, sorted things, you'd be happier...'

'Did you now?' she wasn't masking her anger anymore and Pacey wondered how foolish he'd been to be deceived by the casualness of her approach.

'Well with the baby and everything, and you, you're so stubborn, you know that? What was I supposed to do? I want you to be happy.'

'My happiness is not your responsibility,' she shot at him coldly, snatching her hand from his where he was gripping her in an attempt to hang onto her.

'But I want you to be happy,' he attempted.

'Well done! I'm deliriously happy,' she muttered sarcastically.

'Look Jo, I just thought...' he attempted again.

'You thought? You just thought? I don't think you thought at all. The audacity, the complete and utter disregard. I asked you not to tell Dawson and I had my reasons, but you had your assumptions.'

'What assumptions?' Pacey was getting mad now. 'Jeez Jo, the guy has a right to know. He's your best friend if nothing else. You think you're protecting him but you're not,' they'd ending up standing face to face, both furious.

'But I'm not protecting him from what you think you I am you stupid boy,' she growled, her voice dangerously low.

'So what are you protecting him from Jo?' Pacey bristled at her stupid boy remark.

'What gave you the right to waltz into the situation between Dawson and I and think that you knew better? What made you think that I wasn't handling it on my own? I can't believe you Pacey. I thought we were becoming friends...'

'Becoming friends?' he repeated with an utterly wounded look.

'Yeah, and I guess since we were only becoming friends we should forget all about it, because what you did shows that you don't know me at all.'

'You're going to have to help me out here Jo, because I don't get why what I did that was so wrong. I know I went about it all wrong but you guys getting together needed to happen, he did need to know,' Pacey emphasised each word, feeling guilty for shouting but misunderstood at the same time.

'Just leave me the hell alone Pace. I told you months ago I could do this alone and I will,' she shouted pushing him from her room, tears coursing down her cheeks, too upset to be rational anymore.

* * *

'So how is she?' Jen jumped up as Pacey came down the stairs looking pale and upset.

'She hates me,' Pacey was distracted, trying to think of something to make her forgive him.

'She'll calm down,' Jack attempted.

'Joey Potter and calm aren't exactly synonymous,' Pacey pointed out.

'Let Jen talk to her, we need to think what we do about Dawson,' Jack urged him.

'Right now I couldn't give a damn about Dawson,' Pacey frowned, deeply troubled.

'It's late and he's alone out there,' Jack told him quietly.

'He'll be back,' Pacey assured them both.

'How can you be so sure?'

'He left his movie here and the mother to his child,' Pacey added the latter reluctantly.

'Pacey, you don't think that maybe someone else might be the baby's dad? I mean it would explain Joey's reluctance to see Dawson...' Jen asked slowly and hesitantly.

'I um,' Pacey gulped at the unexpected question and searching look.

'Like who's!? Of course it's Dawsons. They've been together forever. When would there be a chance for another interaction?' Jack asked looking between Pacey and Jen.

'Pacey?' Jen asked.

'Well, I...'

'What's going on?' Jack stared at Pacey his mouth slightly open.

'So is there anyone else has she been with?' Jen looked pointedly at Pacey knowing without being told.

'She told you,' Pacey stated.

'Actually you just did,' Jen smiled easily. 'So could you be the dad?'

'June the math doesn't add up, it's like a month out,' Pacey shrugged sadly.

'That sucks,' Jack patted his back.

'So why is Dawson so pissed?' Jen asked.

'Probably because she's rained on his parade,' Pacey shrugged. 'She won't move west and if he wants to be near the kid, well then he'll have to move here.'

'Dawson can be really self-centred,' Jack frowned.

'But he's our friend and one of us should go find him,' Pacey admitted at length really not wanting to leave in case Joey decided she wanted to talk to him.

'I'll go,' Jack stated unexpectedly. 'Given how much it's snowing out there I doubt he's gone further than _Hells Kitchen_. Jen can talk to Joey and Pacey you should come with me.'

'But what if she wants to talk?'

'Then you'll talk later. I'll look after her, ok?' Jen stared at Pacey until he nodded.

* * *

'I got you a whiskey,' Pacey shoved the dark liquid in front of Dawson who sat glowering at a corner table, as he and Jack slipped into seats.

'Hmm.'

'And clearly you need it,' Pacey nodded.

'And what do you know?' Dawson spat out leaning back in his chair eyeing the drink.

'I know you're upset and you're hurt,' Pacey began, wondering what sick sadomasochism was possessing him that had him trying to talk Dawson into reason.

'I don't think you have a clue about any of it, I mean what were you all trying to prove? You keep something like that from me and then bring me here to surprise me?' Dawson spluttered through his anger and hurt.

'Joey was worried about telling you,' Jack put in.

'Oh and I wonder why,' Dawson was scathing.

'Ok, so it's not ideal but this is Joey - you were together forever and you're soul mates or so you say. Surely you can work something out?' Pacey beseeched and Dawson laughed a bitter laugh that cut straight through his two friends.

'Yeah we were together forever, huh?' he asked.

'Yeah so now you can surely be parents together, even if just as friends?'

'You don't get it do you?' he shook his head in frustration. 'You two think it's all so simple. She cheated on me! She had to have cheated on me,' Dawson threw the drink into the back of his mouth ignoring his friends stunned expressions.

'How can you be so sure?'

'You want to know how?' he chuckled sardonically. 'The whole time we were together she wasn't ready or I wasn't. We weren't ready. We never had sex, we never even came close,' Dawson ran his hands through his hair.

'Oh!' Pacey and Jack exchanged a look, Pacey suddenly feeling sick to his stomach.

'You guys know who,' Dawson accused, eyes blazing. 'Do you know who she cheated on me with?' he asked more insistently reading something in their shared look.

'She didn't cheat,' Pacey defended.

'What do you mean didn't cheat? She slept with another guy! How is that not cheating?'

'You'd broken up with her, at least I think?' Pacey looked at Jack who shrugged. It didn't make sense for it to be Pacey, unless Joey was lying about the due date. However Pacey had been there at the appointment. Which meant either Joey had slept with two guys and didn't know who the father was, or knew full well it was Pacey and wasn't telling him for some reason.

'Who was it?' Dawson insisted again.

'I don't know,' Jack answered honestly and Dawson turned to Pacey.

'You'll have to ask her man,' Pacey shrugged hoping he wasn't as red as he felt.

'I did.'

'And what did she say?'

'She wouldn't tell me. She was furious.'

'That's because we thought you were the father, that's why we forced you here,' Pacey admitted.

'Well, I'm not,' he muttered feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. Pacey felt a similar sting in his as the possibility of becoming a father to Joey's baby crossed his mind making him feel relieved and scared all at once.

* * *

'Hey Jo,' Jen said quietly entering her friends room, where Joey was sat cross legged on her bed sorting through a pile of baby clothes she'd bought at a charity shop and those Bessie had sent to her.

'Hello,' she muttered darkly.

'How you doing?'

'How do you think I'm doing?' Joey turned her tear stained face to Jen.

'Do you want to talk?'

'Were you in on it?' Joey asked, her mouth set, her eyes boring into Jens.

'Yes I was,' she admitted. 'It was Pacey's idea but we were all in on it.'

'Right,' Joey turned back to the baby clothes.

'Look Joey, you can be just as mad as you want to be. I can understand why. In fact we can all understand why you're mad and we knew that it would be a consequence of our actions, but we thought you sorting things with Dawson was more important than our friendships.'

'Why is it so important to everyone that Dawson and I retain our friendship? If it really is that important to you all, you sure screwed it up because now he won't speak to me and I was going to tell him you know,' Joey spat out.

'What? When the baby was born? When you saw him in spring? When were you going to tell him? '

'When I saw him, when I'd sorted things out.'

'But what did you have to sort out?' Jen knew she was pushing. She wanted to push.

'God Jen,' Joey threw the clothes on the floor in frustration. 'What is with everyone trying to sort my life out for me? I didn't ask for it. I just wanted to do my own thing in my own time.'

'It's only because we love you,' Jen sat down next to her, wrapping her in a hug.

'I've made such a mess of everything. It's all such a mess,' Joey leant into Jen, suddenly grateful for the support she had spurned only moments earlier.

'Tell me Joey, see if we can't work something out,' Jen soothed.

'I screwed it all up at first when I found out I was pregnant. I was so gutted and I hated myself so much for letting myself get in that situation. Dawson and I were together then and god...'

'Just tell me Jo,' Jen said firmly.

'Well, that tequila night?' Joey began and Jen nodded knowing what was coming already. 'Pacey and I took things to far, in fact further than I've ever gone with anyone, including Dawson. So when I found out I knew I had to finish things with Dawson. The boy I was so in love with, the boy I thought I was going to marry? Suddenly I realized I'd gotten it all wrong. How could Dawson be my soul mate when I was having Pacey's baby? How could Dawson be my destiny when we were together for two years and we never came close to sleeping with each other and yet in one night I went from hating Pacey to having sex with him? How could fate be leading me up the aisle to Dawson when through all of this Pacey has been the one who's there for me?'

'You love him don't you?' Jen asked and they both knew who she meant, as Joey nodded mutely.

'But I didn't back then. Back then he was just my friend, the doofus I exchanged insults with and yeah, I liked him but I, well he was just my best enemy,' Joey pleaded with Jen to understand.

'There was a chemistry between you both and you loved to fight with him almost as much as you loved to love Dawson?' Jen attempted.

'I probably preferred it,' Joey admitted.

'But you weren't in love with him,' Jen countered.

'No. Then he left a couple of days later and I was in love with Dawson or so I thought. Now that I feel this way about Pacey, since we've been spending so much time together, well I don't know what it was I had with Dawson, maybe comfort? Friendship? History? I don't think it was love.'

'You and Pacey have a history too,' Jen reminded her softly.

'I know we do, I know but he'll never forgive me when I tell him,' Joey sighed deeply.

'Why didn't you tell him?' Jen asked.

'Well I found out a week before we came here and I was confused at first because of the problems I had, I bled in the first couple of months. I didn't know when I had fallen pregnant. I thought I was a month pregnant and I hadn't had sex except for with Pacey and it was so confusing...you have to remember I wasn't expecting this. I was with Dawson and Pacey was gone. Of course deep down I knew it was Pacey, I'm not that stupid, but I was confused, upset and completely overwhelmed.

But I knew that I had to finish with Dawson. It wasn't fair to him to be with him when the baby couldn't be his...'

'Are you sure? I mean were there any close calls with Dawson?'

'Dawson never even took off my underwear or went near it,' Joey stated.

'Oh.'

'So when I saw Pacey again I just freaked out. I didn't see how I could destroy his life, I mean we were just friends, no feelings. He'd been away for so long, all we had was a feisty friendship and one embarrassing night. He himself told me he wasn't mature enough to handle something like that.'

'And now?' Jen asked and Joey was glad for the millionth time that she and Jen were friends, that Jen could provide gentle coaxing questions to lead her through her story.

'Now? I love Dawson, but as a friend, and Pacey, I love him, and well, he's been the perfect father to be, without even knowing that was what he was, but I don't get why he's doing it? And I don't know how to tell him. I wanted Pacey to know before I told Dawson and somehow I could never manage to tell Pacey. I don't understand why he looks after me like he does, why he does everything in his power to make my life easier.'

'Really?' Jen couldn't quite manage to hide her surprise.

'Yeah,' Joey frowned slightly.

'Come on Jo he kissed you, why do you think he did that? In fact from what I've seen he can't stop touching you and he has that look permanently in his eyes that says he wants to kiss you. Why do you think that is?'

'Because he's a walking hormone?' Joey suggested hesitantly.

'Look, how you and Pacey feel about each other is for you two to figure out although you've said you love him and yet you hit him away from you when he kissed you, perhaps reducing his kiss to a hormonal impulse is a little unfair,' Jen told her.

'Fair point.'

'I think the real issue is telling him about the baby,' Jen prompted.

'But he'll hate me. How can I tell him now? After all these months? After letting him look after me without telling him. He'll hate me. I'd hate me. I keep trying to tell him. I pushed him away because I needed to tell him, and he went and kissed me making me freak out in typical Joey Potter fashion, and shout and stomp and do anything to distract from the way I'm feeling and the secret I'm trying desperately to share. And now, every time I'm with him I want to kiss him and we get so close, but then I just pull away because I hate the fact that I have this secret between us.'

'Just tell him. The sooner you do, the sooner you can deal with the consequences.'

'I know.'

'And Dawson?'

'I couldn't tell Dawson because he'd feel like his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend.'

'Jo, whether or not you tell Dawson and Pacey the truth or not, it'll still be Pacey's baby.'

'Whats that mean?' Joey raised teary eyes to meet Jens.

'It means that the truth isn't affected by whom you do and don't tell. Not telling Dawson doesn't change the fact that its happening and because he's a best friend you want to keep, you'll only do so by being completely honest. And Pacey? The truth is the thought has crossed his mind that the baby could be his, and you know Pacey. He may be angry, and he may shout, but he'll do his best to be a good dad and to support you.'

'But what if he doesn't forgive me?'

'He'll have to,' Jen said simply.

'Why?' Joey's question seemed to echo in the room.

'Because from the time that baby was conceived you and Pacey were linked together for the rest of your lives. You'll never drift apart again because you can't. You'll be forever linked and he'll have to forgive you so you can work together to be good parents.'

'Thank you Jen,' Joey hugged her close.

* * *

'Where did everyone go?' Joey looked hesitantly at Pacey who was sat on the couch listening to music and waiting to speak to her, a million questions on the tip of his tongue.

'Well Jack took Dawson back to Grams house.'

'Oh,' Joey sunk down onto the couch next to Pacey, resting her head against his shoulder, surprising him.

'You're speaking to me again?'

'Yeah, sorry for getting so mad. I don't condone what you did but I understand why you did it.'

'I _am_ sorry.'

'That's ok, lets just forget it for now. So where did you find Dawson?

'Hells Kitchen,' Pacey told her.

'How did you know where he'd be? He stormed out pretty quick.'

'Hey it's Dawson, we're like brothers, spent so much time together we have this psychic connection,' Pacey bluffed.

'A psychic connection?'

'Yeah, right about now he's downing a stiff drink,' Pacey told her.

'Really?' Joey smiled disbelieving.

'Yeah, well, he acted like an asshole and now he's doing what every good Dawson does and is throwing a pity party.'

'Isn't that a little harsh?' Joey frowned, surprised by Pacey's attitude.

'Maybe, I just don't know where the guy gets off being such a jerk. It's not like you got into this situation by yourself. He needs to take responsibility. If it were me, well...'

'If it were you?' Joey prompted when he trailed off.

'Well I'd be really proud that you were my baby-mama,' Pacey shrugged embarrassed.

'Thanks Pace.'

'Any time Jo.' A comfortable silence fell between them, as Joey snuggled up against Paceys chest, not really thinking about what she was doing, but knowing that she felt safest tucked up against him.

'Did you know that the baby was a boy?' she asked softly after the long silence.

'You're having a boy?' Pacey looked at her stomach, wide eyed.

'I don't know about this baby,' she put a hand on her stomach, 'I meant the baby that died,' she bit her lower lip.

'He was a boy huh?' Pacey's tone softened and he wrapped an arm around her more firmly pressing a kiss to her head.

'Yeah, his heart, it had a problem, that's why he died. I never told you but I should have.'

'Nah, there's no should haves between us Jo. When you feel like talking you know I'm always here.'

'I know,' she snuggled even closer into the warmth of his chest pressing her lips to the space above his heart.

'Your little boy would have been an amazing kid,' he whispered.

'I think so,' she lowered her eyes, but then looked up at him, 'I did love him.'

'I know you did.'

'No you don't understand Pace. When I first found out I was pregnant I didn't want any of it. I felt like my life was over, like I'd screwed up beyond anything. I used to lie awake at night wishing my baby away,' she felt tears fill her eyes as she looked up into Pacey's sympathetic face.

'Jo sweetheart,' he pulled her closer.

'But when I found out about my little boy I, god, I loved him so much and I hated myself so much because I wished more than anything that he was still growing inside of me.'

'Joey you can't help how you felt, and that had no impact on what happened. The important thing is that you did love him. Sometimes love finds you when you aren't even looking. Just because you didn't know immediately how much you loved him doesn't make it any less real or any less deep. In fact sometimes it can make the love even stronger.'

'How do you do that?' she couldn't look away from him.

'Do what?' he felt so close to her.

'Always say the right thing?'

'It's just the truth Jo,' he whispered feeling the electric tug between them drawing his lips nearer to hers.

'You want to know something?' Joey shifted, breaking eye contact and putting some distance between them, changing the atmosphere.

'Sure?' Pacey tried not to feel hurt at the shift.

'I think the baby will come early,' she tried to smile.

'You do huh?'

'Yeah I do. I think around March, that's what I think.'

'And why do you think that? Thats would be like a month early,' Pacey frowned, his thoughts whirling, wondering just what she was trying to tell him especially after Dawson's admission.

'I well, I just do,' Joey suddenly wasn't smiling and her hands twisted in her lap.

'It'll be ok Jo,' Pacey tried to reassure her.

'Can we go get the things I need? Will you come with me?'

'Sure, a trip to a baby store!' he grinned like a kid, 'I'll be right at home.'

'True,' she smirked.

'But why the sudden feeling?' he pushed gently.

'I just, you know, get a feeling. Mothers do get feelings about these things!'

'And you want me to come shopping with you?' he asked carefully and she nodded. 'Because Dawson is still in town, and once he calms down I'm sure...'

'Pacey,' Joey protested, her face showing her disdain for the topic.

'You know, over in Hells Kitchen Dawson told us the strangest thing,' Pacey began watching her as she shifted position so she was looking straight ahead, her hands resting on her stomach, as her teeth bit into her bottom lip, her brow furrowed as she sat thinking deeply.

'Oh yeah?' she asked faintly.

'He seems to think you cheated on him because apparently, and I find this a little hard to believe, the two of you never even had sex,' he watched as tears pooled in her eyes but he was going to push the truth out of her if it killed him.

'Yeah?' she whispered the word.

'Apparently so,' Pacey let the implication hang between them.

'Pacey, I...' she began to stutter some sort of explanation but couldn't find the words.

'What? You knew it wasn't his but found it easier to let everyone assume it was?' Pacey asked, feeling fury come unbidden into him. It was a fury he hadn't even realised was there, but now it was dripping from every word he said.

He watched as she nodded.

'And what? Did you ask the doctor to make it a later due date just so I wouldn't know it was mine?' he threw the accusation at her.

'No Pacey, no I didn't. You were with me the whole time. She based it on size and my menstruations, but the baby was small because of all the problems after the other baby was gone, the one still alive could grow and about a month later she revised the due date by a month and...'

'You never told me, you just decided to not tell me,' he growled.

'I was trying to protect you,' she whispered and knew instantly she'd said the wrong thing.

'Protect me?' he scoffed. 'Give me a break here Jo. You were trying to protect yourself. You knew the baby was mine but you didn't want to share it with me, you didn't want to be tied to me forever and you didn't want to lose Dawson.'

'No that's not how it is,' she spluttered through tears.

'Admit it Joey, you were gutted when you found out you were pregnant because you were having my baby and not Dawsons,' he towered over her, so angry.

'Fine I was gutted,' the words shot out before she could stop them and she thought Pacey might explode, but instead he sunk to the couch as if she'd physically shot him.

'Of course,' he murmured. 'Of course you'd be gutted. I'm a screw up, an ass-hole and Dawson - he's the golden boy. Of course. But you should have told me,' he turned eyes on her, pleading, furious eyes.

'Pacey, listen to me,' Joey knelt down in front of him, wanting to comfort him.

'No, Joey. No,' he wanted to push her away, but her arms had snaked around him and she was holding his head close to her, running her small hands through his hair, placing soft butterfly kisses on his head. 'Joey no,' he tried to insist but wanted nothing more than to be held by her.

'Listen to me Pacey,' she spoke clearly, carefully and soothingly, she moved her hands to his face, holding it, forcing his eyes up to meet hers. 'When I realised I was pregnant I was gutted it was by you, and of course it was you. That night with you was the only time I ever had sex. But lets not forget how things were then,' she spoke in even tones, watching emotion after emotion flit across his blue eyes.

'Back then, you had been with Andie and I'd been with Dawson. We were friends that liked nothing more than to pretend we weren't. You called me prude and Ice queen more than Joey. I liked you Pacey, I did and I cared about you, but I was in love with Dawson. So yes, I was gutted that one night of drunken compassion and shared misery had changed my life so dramatically,' she paused letting the words sink in.

'Lets not forget either Pace, that you left for almost four months a couple of days later. I couldn't tell you even when I knew because I didn't know where you were. I got a couple of post cards, you've got to understand how that was for me - I was alone. Bessie would have killed me and Dawson, well it was nothing to do with him.'

'I get it,' he croaked not sure if he'd be able to cope with hearing any more.

'No Pacey you don't,' she insisted. 'I've been trying to tell you. I have. I've felt so bad accepting your help and support without you knowing. You've been there for me one hundred percent of the time and it wasn't even because of some misplaced sense of duty, you were there for me because you're a good person you're an amazing guy.'

'And because I care about you,' Pacey whispered.

'You've got to understand Pace, things are different now.'

'Different how?'

'I used to believe in fate and destiny and when I found out I was having your baby I thought it was a cruel trick but now? Now I'm glad there's no such thing. I don't think it was fate that you ended up being the one to look after me. I think it's because you're one of the most amazing guys I've ever met and I can't believe I missed out on knowing this side of you for so many years.'

'Really?' Pacey looked at her wide eyed.

'Really Pace. You're my best friend, the best friend I could ever have,' she whispered trying not to cry.

'Oh,' his face fell slightly. I thought you knew how I feel about you,' he told her.

'Pace, it's complicated. I don't think we should go there at this point,' she explained.

'That's fine. That's your decision,' he tried to brush it off, to be brave about it but he knew the hurt was written plainly in his eyes.

'Pacey, I'm really, really sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I know you're pretty mad about it, and I feel like I've deceived you. I promise that was never my intention. It was never my intention for you to feel something for me. It just wouldn't be a good idea to get involved in a new relationship when we're having a baby together. We need to focus on the baby and the relationship would fall apart before it even began,' she rushed the words.

'It's ok Jo. You don't have to feel the same. And I am mad and frustrated that you didn't tell me. I would have been at every appointment with you, you know that? I know you were trying to protect me...'

'And myself Pace, I needed to be strong and if you'd rejected me and the baby well, I...'

'I wouldn't have rejected you and you know that,' Pacey told her firmly.

'No you're right. I guess I was more worried that you'd want to be with me because of some sense of obligation,' she admitted.

'Jo, that's not what this is about,' he began.

'Look Pace, lets stick to the issue of the baby and leave the complexity of you and I out of it,' she pleaded softly, her face still close to his. He breathed deeply,

'Ok.'

'Thank you.'

'So what now?' he asked.

'Lets just carry on as we are. Things are ok.'

'Carry on with the way things were a week ago you mean?' he couldn't help but feel slightly bitter.

'Yeah, that's what I mean. Before you kissed me, before I kissed you. Lets keep it simple.'

'Forgive me for being cynical, but I just found out I'm going to be a dad to your child. It's not simple.'

'Please Pacey, please understand, please know that I...I... just can't deal with everything right now...'

'It's ok Jo,' Pacey felt suddenly guilty and he pulled her against him, hugging her tightly.

'I'm so sorry Pace. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I'm so sorry I messed everything up. I'm sorry, so sorry, I didnt mean to hurt you, I'm sorry,' she sobbed into his chest feeling so many emotions for the boy holding her close. 'I'm glad it's you Pace, I'm glad.'

'Me too Jo.'


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi,**

**Thank you for the reviews. They are from guests so I can't respond directly. I really appreciate them. I am a little hard on Dawson. Despite my fics, I don't actually hate him - he's a good plot device. A useful baddy and creator of tension. I hope this chapter demonstrates that I think he's sometimes quite likeable.**

**Secondly, could Joey and Pacey ever be really happy as parents at 19? And successful? Well like Joey I found out I was pregnant at 19, the day before I started university. I miscarried but I thought about the question a lot before hand - could my life ever be what I wanted with an unplanned for baby. I think it depends on the people involved - particularly whether or not they are together. In this fic I believe Joey and Pacey stand a chance because he has a decent job and they love each other. Would put be easy, a resounding no. Would it be worth it? Well probably.**

**Thanks again**

**Tabitha**

**Chapter 11**

The world came into being slowly for Pacey the morning after the night he discovered the truth about Joey's baby. Warm sunlight streamed into his tiny room, burning his eyes as he tried to persist in the slumber that had so eluded him the night before. The thought of becoming a father was something he'd never particularly worried about. His knowledge of fatherhood was shaped by his father and his father was without doubt the exact opposite of the kind of dad Pacey wanted to be. Pacey knew he'd love his child, sure he'd discipline them, but more than anything he'd love them and spend time with them. Being with children came easily to him- Gretchen would always joke that he was good with women and children, which was actually close to the truth.

However, the more he thought about his child the less he could sleep. He kept trying to visualise their child, his and Joeys. Would it be a girl or boy? Girl, he'd decided with Joey's wide eyes and her pouting mouth, hell with her everything. The little girl didn't have to have anything from him, but she could still be his. He decided he didn't really want to keep working at the stock exchange, it required too many hours, hours he'd rather spend with Joey and the baby. It would have been a relatively simple decision during his sleepless night but then he had thought about the need to support Joey, to help her get through college which would require lots of money. He was turning in roundabouts and before he knew it, it was the early hours of the am.

Then there was the question of readiness. He loved Joey and had wanted more than anything for the baby to be his, but up until yesterday the baby wasn't his. Suddenly impending fatherhood was on the horizon and he, the proverbial screw up was the one responsible. His father had once told him, no one is ever ready to be a parent, and lying in bed with a million uncertainties Pacey realised it was the one good bit of advice his father gave him. He and Joey were going to have a baby and they might not be ready but that didn't mean they were going to screw it up.

Groaning slightly as he stretched, he pushed himself to a sitting position. His eye caught sight of the photo beside his bed. It was of he, Dawson and Joey, back before there was a Jen, Jack or Andie, before there were any complications, just he and Joey competing for Dawson. Now he and Dawson were competing for Joey. Or was he competing with Dawson? He shook the thoughts from his head, but they weren't going anywhere. He didn't know whether Joey wanted Dawson, or wanted space, or wanted him to want her because of her and not the baby, or just wanted to do one thing and then the next. The idea that Joey Potter might want him above her soul mate, her long time boyfriend, her best friend, above Dawson was too surreal and not a possibility Pacey could really entertain as likely.

Peering at the photo, he examined every curve of her face, a face he loved so much he sometimes found it difficult to breathe. She gave him butterflies, thousands of the damn things, and he just loved her with every atom of his being. And she was having his baby. A smile broke across his face. Of course he'd have to tell the sheriff and his wife, maybe he'd ask Joey to come with him, but then again, maybe his dad would make some crack about the criminals daughter and the sheriffs son so maybe not. He sighed deeply, telling his parents wasn't something he could ever feel hopeful about. It wouldn't go well, simply because he was Pacey, their least favourite child.

* * *

Joey woke with a jolt. She wasn't sure what woke her, but she sat up feeling wide awake. Rubbing her stomach she tried to still the baby that seemed to be trying to kick its way out of her.

'Hush little one,' she soothed, and at the sound of her voice the movements began to still. 'You want me to talk to you huh?' she asked as the odd little kick let her know the baby was still awake. But of course it wasn't her kicking child that had woken her she realised as the memories of the night before flooded back. She'd fallen asleep crying many times when she was growing up, but last night she felt like she actually might die from the tears she shed. Though she'd just woken up she was exhausted.

Pacey knew the truth and he didn't hate her. He was angry but he didn't hate her. He'd probably get angrier before he forgave her, but she hoped that he'd understand one day. Poor Pacey, one time with her and they were linked for the rest of their lives. They'd always have this child, this being, just like they'd always have the child that passed away between them. She sighed and dangled her feet over the edge of the bed looking at the baby crib Pacey had bought and constructed for her just the weekend before.

She wondered if he hadn't always known in some way that the baby was his and whether that was why he'd looked after her as he had. She didn't doubt that it was a subconscious knowledge if it was there at all, but he'd been so good to her. And she loved him. Not because of all the things he did that made her life easier, but for a million reasons. Sure he made her life easier, but he also cajoled and supported her, surprised her with such thoughtful presents that her heart would contract almost painfully with love of him. He looked after her with such sweet detail that she couldn't fail to adore him. With tender hands and without a sigh or frustration he did the little things for her that she forgot to do for herself. And they talked. They could talk about anything and everything. Why she hadn't realised that Pacey was so genuinely interested in what she had to say before she couldn't understand and she felt like she'd missed out on many of the interesting and funny things he had to say. He was such a fun person, and she laughed more than she realised she could when they were together, about anything from a silly joke, to their enjoyable banter, to a story he decided to tell. Pacey was so strong, so solid in who he was. Sure he'd gone a bit crazy at the end of high school when he almost flunked out but Joey knew that came from his own insecurities, because no matter how great a man she and the others saw, Pacey tended to see a failure and a failure was something he could never really be, no matter how much he screwed up, and Pacey was a class act at screwing up.

But none of that meant Pacey wanted a baby. He was almost nineteen and he had so much he wanted to do, not to mention the fact that his father would kill him. And a baby meant so much responsibility. Pacey wasn't exactly synonymous with responsibility. He'd just up and left for the summer twice to go sailing, once after Andie was institutionalised and once after he found out she was cheating. What if she and Pacey fought, would he jump ship? What if there was a problem with the baby? What if, so many what ifs, the biggest being whether Pacey wanted to be a dad or not. Not the same thing as whether he wanted to be involved or not. Of course he'd be involved and he'd be a good dad, deep down Joey knew that. What she didn't know was if she had ruined his life?

And no matter how much she loved him, she couldn't be with him. She couldn't because it would be too much. To have Pacey now would be to doom them to failure, she felt sure. How could they focus on each other when they had the baby to deal with? Pacey would probably get some silly notion in his head that he had to support her through college and would stay at the job he hated rather than pursue what he wanted. And when he had told her that she knew what he wanted, the truth was she didn't. She didn't know what those kisses had meant to Pacey. Did he care for her? Love her? Like her? Was he just attracted to her? Did he want her? Maybe he simply meant she knew he'd want to be with her because they were having a baby.

Sighing she fell back on her bed. Closing her eyes she tried to think things through. And not once did she think about Dawson.

* * *

'You look rough man,' Jack handed Pacey a coffee as he sat at the table.

'Thanks,' Pacey yawned. He'd thought he'd be grumpy with lack of sleep but then he kept thinking of the little baby inside of Joey, his little baby and he suddenly felt like laughing.

'So what happened?' Jack felt incredibly impatient.

'The baby's mine,' Pacey nodded sagely and then a huge grin spread itself across his face, infecting Jack who laughed and grinned.

'That's fucking awesome,' he put an affectionate hand on Pacey's shoulder. 'Right?'

'Right, but not so loud,' Pacey hissed.

'Why not?' Jack stage whispered back.

'I don't want Joey to know how happy I am about it,' Pacey explained.

'Why not?' Jack gave him a puzzled look.

'Cos I'm still mad that she didn't tell me,' Pacey frowned.

'But surely she's going to worry?' Jack countered.

'Damn you,' Pacey growled. Of course he couldn't have Joey worry. 'Ok, so Joey can know I'm ecstatic about it.'

'Question,' Jack said.

'Shoot'

'Are you ecstatic about it because you think having a baby will be amazing, or because you think having a baby with Joey, the girl you love, will be awesome? Or are you ecstatic because the girl you love is having your baby and not someone else's?' Jack asked and Pacey started at him in silence for a moment, but then Jack continued, 'would you be ecstatic if say, your old English teacher or Andie turned up and said they were having your baby?'

'Did Andie say something?' Paceys face blanched.

'No man it's a hypothetical,' Jack grimaced at the thought.

'Well then god, what's with you and Jen and the loaded questions?'

'It's what we do best, now answer the question.'

'You win. I'm ecstatic because it's Joey,' Pacey admitted. 'I love her and she's having a baby, and it's mine.'

'Ok well maybe you should let all your anger go,' Jack pointed out.

'I don't get your point,' Pacey shrugged and waited.

'Well, you just said that the reason you're ecstatic is because it's Joey. Joey doesn't know how you feel,' Jack shook his head at Pacey who was about to interrupt, 'no man, she doesn't. She knows you like to kiss her, but other than that you've just been a very good friend to her, the best friend she could hope for, but that doesn't mean she's read everything into it she should have.'

'I'm still not with you,' Pacey frowned.

'Let your anger go because if Joey had told you in September you would have been gutted and devastated, even in October. I don't know when you fell in love with her and neither does she. She doesn't even know now that you have, so of course she was going to be hesitant about ruining your life, as she saw it.'

'But she hasn't ruined my life,' Pacey protested.

'And she doesn't know that, so give the girl a break. Forget about being angry, forget about your wanting of her, and let her know that you're happy about the baby, and that you're happy its with her and don't forget you have to deal with Dawson today.'

'Dawson,' Pacey scowled, 'who's stupid idea was it to bring him over here?' he asked and Jack gave him a rather haughty look.

* * *

'Hey guys,' Joey's quiet voice broke into the conversation Pacey and Jack were having. It was more of a debate about cooking turkey that Pacey felt sure hed win.

'Hey Jo,' Jack grinned broadly at her. She looked at him suspiciously and then at Pacey, who was smiling a small sheepish smile,

'You told him,' she stated.

'I'm happy Jo, you know me when I'm excited, I get verbal rambling disorder,' he moved across the kitchen and wrapping an arm around her kissing her head, then lowered his head so he could place a soft kiss on her stomach. Breathing slightly shallow Joey couldn't help but laugh, after all her concerns about whether Pacey would be happy or not, about whether she had ruined his life or not,

'Pacey,' she protested as he kissed her stomach again after dropping to his knees in front of her.

'I'm making up for lost time,' he pouted and she laughed again.

'You're kissing me not the baby,' she reminded him with a blush.

'Thats just an added perk. Lets hopefully Witter junior can hear,' he shrugged still on his knees in front of her.

'It's Potter junior,' she reminded him, catching sight of Jack smiling in amusement at them.

'Hey you in there, kick up a protest, tell mommy what's what,' Pacey murmured against her stomach, gratified when the baby kicked.

'Ow,' Joey grimaced, overacting slightly. Pacey's eyes shot upward, concern on every feature.

'Does it hurt?' he asked.

'It's not exactly comfortable,' she clarified with an uncertain smile, a smile which grew in certainty as Pacey began to rub soft circles on her stomach.

'That's right little Witter you go to sleep,' he murmured, his words vibrating against her stomach, pressing intermittent kisses to her.

'It certainly has the inability to keep still like you,' Joey conceded with a wink, 'but it's a Potter,' she maintained.

'Are you sure calling it, it isn't going to give um, it a complex?' Pacey asked uncertainly, his hands moving from her stomach around to her back as he still knelt before her, his lips pressed to her stomach.

'And calling him a her, or her a him won't?' Joey teased, her eyes crinkling in amusement.

'Ok put like that,' Pacey grinned, putting another kiss on her stomach, loving the fact that he could lavish love on his baby and the girl of his dreams at the same time.

Jack laughed loudly.

And what do you find so funny, prey tell? Pacey turned to Jack, his ear pressed against Joeys belly, her hands subconsciously resting on his head, the happiness she felt readable in her face.

'You're pathetic man,' Jack chuckled.

'Hey, I resent that - there is nothing pathetic about wanting to talk to my unborn child. Mine,' he emphasised with a grin.

'Your right, pathetic isn't the word, slushy is,' Jack reassessed.

'Slushy?' Pacey's voice squeaked and Joey unintentionally pulled him in closer to her.

'Yeah you're slushy, emotional, soppy and sentimental about a baby you refer to as it!' Jack laughed again, a goofy grin all over his face.

'Man has a point,' Joey laughed running a hand through Paceys hair affectionately.

'You're ganging up with Jack?' Pacey looked up at her, lips pressed to her belly, eyes wide and beseeching.

'Stop looking at me like that,' Joey pleaded weakening under his beautiful eyes.

'You've got a soft spot for me,' Pacey grinned up at her, then turned to Jack, 'she's got a soft spot for me.'

'Clearly,' Jack chuckled again.

'There's no soft spot here,' Joey bluffed, unable to hide the good mood that had taken her as soon as Pacey knelt before her.

'Busted,' Jack whistled softly.

'Yeah, busted,' Pacey whispered looking up at her, their eyes locking until they were just staring at each other each trying to hide what they truly wanted.

'Well I think me and buster here,' she took a step away from Pacey and rubbed her belly, 'we should be getting ourselves some breakfast.'

'Buster?' Pacey queried with a smile that kept growing wider.

'Yeah well apparently it was causing our child psychological damage,' she shrugged easily. Pacey glowed at her use of the word our.

'You gotta love this girl,' Pacey pointed at Joey, looking over his shoulder at Jack who was slurping cereal from his bowl and still grinning.

'Pacey,' Joey blushed, admonishing him lightly.

'Hey guys,' Jen called cheerfully, bursting into their apartment without knocking, a sombre looking Dawson behind her. Seeing Pacey knelt before Joey, and everyone's inane grins she stopped dead in her tracks her mouth falling open, causing Dawson, who was busy focussing on the ground, to bump into her from behind.

'Jen?' he asked softly, looking up to see Joey standing with Pacey knelt at her feet, looking up at her. 'What's going on?' he asked in a strained and confused voice.

'Yeah what's going on?' Jens voice contrasted entirely with Dawson's.

'Nothing,' Joey flustered realising how it must look. 'It's nothing, we're just being silly.'

'Right,' Pacey muttered feeling like she'd kicked him. 'Of course.'

'Pacey I'll tell him,' she mouthed the words, pleading with her eyes for him to understand.

'Sure,' Pacey shrugged, sitting back on his heels.

'It's just hard,' Joey felt tears sting her eyes, the euphoria of a few minutes earlier rapidly dissipating.

'What's going on?' Dawson repeated looking from Pacey to Joey. 'Pace?'

'Nothing man, I was talking to Buster,' Pacey shot Joey a wounded look and struggled to his feet.

'Buster?' Dawson echoed.

'The baby, my baby,' Joey explained, lowering her eyes under Dawsons furious and hurt look.

'About that, I think we need to talk. That's the only reason I came back,' Dawson cast a glare at the world in general, his face stony, waiting for every one to make appropriate exits. Joey looked to Pacey who nodded, passing her a twinkie from the drawer.

'Don't want you getting faint,' he mumbled as Joey reluctantly followed Dawson when no one else made to leave the room. Dawson started to climb the stairs to her room but Joey stopped rather abruptly in the lounge. Turning back, Dawson cast her a confused look,

'Are you coming?' he asked turning completely when Joey continued to stand unmoving, eyes wide, mind churning up the million thoughts in her head. When Joey didn't answer, he stepped back down the two steps he'd climbed, watching as Pacey, Jen and Jack moved into the lounge area thinking that Joey and Dawson would already be upstairs. Seeing Joey stood in the lounge looking almost like a statue made them stop in their tracks.

'Jo are you ok?' Pacey asked, her health being his first concern. Slowly she turned to look at him, her eyes locking with his.

'Yes Pacey. Thank you for asking. I am ok, but this,' she gestured around the room, including everyone in her hand waving, 'this isn't ok.'

'Joey,' Dawson barked, his hurt over her supposed betrayal making him harsh.

'Enough Dawson, alright enough,' she snapped looking back at him. 'I know that you're hurt, I know that you're upset and I'm sorry for that. I'd like to clear up something for you though. I did not cheat on you. I would never cheat, it's not in my nature and the fact that you could even think that of me shows how little you know me.'

'Just what am I supposed to think?' Dawson asked his mouth growing thinner by the second.

'You dumped me. During Marvin Gayes Sexual Healing at our graduation party.'

'So you got yourself some sexual healing?' Dawson balked, a trace of disgust in his voice.

'I got myself some tequila actually, and I was drunk, I was hurt and I was alone.'

'So what, you just slept with someone?' Dawson shouted feeling the pain of deceit.

'It was a mistake. It didn't mean anything and I regretted it. The very next day you came over and we made up and you you said you'd made a mistake and well I'd made a mistake as well,' Joey continued her voice cracking despite her desperate desire to remain calm and keep her tone even. She forced herself to ignore the utter devastation on Pacey's face and continue.

'You've got to understand Dawson, I was very drunk and well, it plagued me the entire summer.'

'Because you'd ended up pregnant,' Dawson glowered.

'No. Not because of that. You see I always seem to analyse everything, you taught me to do it and well, the more I thought about that one night, and I thought about it almost constantly, well the more it seemed strange to me that even with how drunk I was I could end up sleeping with some guy when I didn't come close with you, my supposed soul mate.'

'But Joey, we are soul mates,' something desperate had entered Dawson's plea.

'No Dawson, well maybe we are, but it's in an eternally innocent way, our love is innocent.'

'I'll be there for you, I'll support you. Anything you want Joey. I'm so sure about you and I that it doesn't matter if the baby is mine or not, I'll treat it as mine,' Dawson rushed the words, using each one to beg with her. Pacey started at the suggestion - Dawson would never raise his child, though he would later realize that he had been willing to raise Dawson's. The baby was his and he was going to be its dad.

'No Dawson,' Joey shook her head. 'No, I only need you as a friend.'

'Why did you wait so long to tell me?' tears leaked from Dawson's eyes as he took in the finality of her words. 'Why? Surely our friendship would have stood a better chance if...if... you'd just told me even about the night, then the baby, then...'

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you,' Joey felt tears burn her eyes at his pain.

'Why didn't you?' he slumped onto the step, sitting with his head in his hands.

'I didn't tell you about that night because I was scared about what it meant. And I didn't tell you about the baby because I wanted to tell the father first,' she explained her hands holding her tummy, rubbing the baby to sleep. Dawson looked up, his attention caught. He wanted more than anything to know who had slept with his girlfriend, who had ruined everything, who had ruined his entire life and Joey's.

'What took you so long?' he asked rubbing at the tears.

'He...well he was out of town,' Joey hesitated her eyes locking with Pacey's again, a small smile now on his lips. 'And then it was complicated.'

'Who is it?' Dawson looked at her, watched her look at Pacey and watched Pacey look at her. He saw their lips move, their eyes speaking volumes and suddenly he knew. 'You bastard,' he shouted, rage tearing through him, a blinding rage that sent him hurtling at Pacey pummelling at him with his fists.

'Woah Dawson man,' Pacey protested knowing he had no real defence. He'd slept with Joey and whether she and Dawson were together or not did not change the fact that he had betrayed the one person who would never have thought he could.

'What the fuck Pacey?' Dawson threw a punch, 'were there not enough other girls to fuck? What about your righteousness about Andie?' Dawson punched him again, Pacey defending but refusing to lay a punch on his friend.

'Why did you have to mess with my Joey? Why her? Why did you have to screw her? She was mine. She meant nothing to you why?' the tears cascaded down his cheeks as his face grew redder with anger.

'Jack,' Joey prompted her eyes wide with worry.

'Dawson,' Jack plunged into the fray grabbing Dawson, who was still trying to throw punches, 'Dawson,' Jack shouted again as Joey stepped forward.

'Dawson stop it,' she shouted, standing between him and Pacey who was lying strewn on the floor, blood gushing from the cut on his cheek. Unfortunately Dawson couldn't seem to hear or see past his rage and as he tried to break free from Jack his fist connected with the side of Joeys face knocking her to the floor, where she bumped her head on the stairs. Dawson stared as Joey seemed to fall in slow motion, his anger seeping from him as quickly as it had sprung up, horror filling him as the realisation of what he had done flooded him.

'Get out of here,' Pacey was on his feet leaning over Dawson, the front of Dawsons shirt held tight in his hand. 'Get the hell out of here before I kill you,' he screamed and then dropped to the floor beside Joey, where Jen was already kneeling.

'I... I...' Dawson stuttered feeling new tears threaten.

'Just go alright,' Jack pushed him backwards to the door. Just go.

'But I...'

'Go to Hells Kitchen and I'll find you there later,' Jack conceded and gave Dawson a final shove out of the front door.

* * *

'Pace?' Joey whispered his name unsure why everything sounded so funny. She could here a jumble of voices that seemed so far away and she was surrounded by darkness and the pain in her head seemed to be all-consuming. 'Pace?' she wanted Pacey to make things better.

'She's waking up,' Pacey's voice said from somewhere far, far away. Groaning she forced her eyes open letting in far too much light and then the welcome sight of Paceys battered and bruised face. The bruises on his face caused the pain in her cheek to throb.

'Pace,' she tried to speak again and raised a hand to his bruised face.

'Shhhh Jo, don't speak,' he soothed kissing her forehead gently. The pressure of his lips seemed to intensify the throbbing in her head and face but she welcomed the gesture regardless. She was in Pacey's arms, somehow cradled against him and she wanted to stay there for the rest of her life. Suddenly she realised just how much she wanted and needed him and the sheer force of her love for him brought unexpected tears to her eyes. 'Jo baby don't cry,' he soothed placing another gentle kiss on her forehead and stroking her hair ever so softly with his fingers. 'Shh you're ok, you're ok.'

She wanted to say so many things but instead gave herself up to the tears and the comfort of being in Paceys arms with Jen and Jack panicking blurrily in the background, on the phone to the doctor it seemed. Shifting slightly she pressed her bruised face even more tightly into his chest not caring about the searing pain, only about being closer to him. Without words Pacey tightened his hold of her, loving her back just as vehemently even if he had misunderstood what her tears were for.

* * *

'How is she?' Jen asked as Pacey plodded down the stairs feeling drained.

'Sleeping finally. Forcing a pregnant Joey to take a couple of tylanol is no easy task,' he explained wryly. 'Where's Jackers?'

'Um, he went to talk to Dawson,' Jen admitted.

'After what he did?' Pacey practically screeched, then remembered Joey was sleeping and lowered his voice to a hiss.

'It was an accident Pacey. You know he'd never hit Joey. You know that. It's not Dawson,' Jen defended. 'I saw what happened and he didn't see her.'

'He still hit her,' Pacey growled.

'And you know why he was so mad. You'd have been mad to. You'd have launched on him the exact same way if the situation were reversed. If it were Andie pregnant with Dawson's baby,' Jen explained calmly watching as a million emotions played across Pacey's face.

'You're right,' he conceded at last. 'You're right.'

'This wasn't much of a Christmas huh?' Jen asked Pacey a couple of hours later as they watched the turkey cooking in the oven.

'This? This was pretty much standard for me. Witter family Christmas's tend to involve accusations, revelations and punch-ups as part of the course,' he smiled wryly. Both heads snapped to the door as they heard it open. Jack walked in followed by a very subdued Dawson. Pushing his anger aside Pacey stepped forward.

'Who's for eggnog?' he asked and Jack nodded. After a moment staring Pacey in the eye Dawson also nodded. 'What's say you help me fetch it D?'

'Sure Pace,' Dawson agreed shrugging off his coat and following Pacey to the kitchen. For several minutes Dawson looked on in silence as Pacey placed out glasses and retrieved the eggnog.

'Look Dawson I'm sorry for what happened between Joey and I. Like she said, we both made a mistake. We were very drunk and both hurting pretty bad. It was reckless and stupid,' Pacey spoke carefully.

'That night will affect you for the rest of your life,' Dawson murmured. 'And Joey and me.'

'I know. I know. Look there's never a time when you're ready to be a dad. I'm only nineteen and I'm not ready, and if you'd told me a year ago that I'd be having a baby with Joey Potter, well I'd have laughed in your face, but you see then I found Joey, pregnant and alone, and I just wanted to help. She was my long time nemesis but I cared,' Pacey desperately wanted to explain.

'I don't understand,' Dawson shifted uncomfortably.

'Back in June what Joey and I did was a mistake and maybe it should still be seen as a mistake now, only well you see the consequences of that mistake? Joey having the baby, being here with me? Somehow the consequences of the mistake in June feel right and not like a mistake at all. You see well, you know,' Pacey flustered.

'No I don't know,' Dawson stared at Pacey unyielding.

'I love her, and now it's happening I'm glad that Joey is having my baby. I can't wait to be a dad,' Pacey said clearly and seriously.

'You love her?' Dawson scoffed. 'Give me a break. You two can barely stand each other.'

'That night in June woke me up to something I have forced myself to be blind to for a very, very long time, the truly amazing person that Joey is. Ok, so she's the most infuriating woman in the world, I mean she's got an opinion about everything, but she's nice man, and funny, and so...so upstanding. And she's beautiful D! She gives me goddamn butterflies - all the time. I literally have to remind myself to breathe at times. With her, I just forget about everything. I didn't mean to feel like this. I've probably felt like this for longer than I realize but she was always yours, and then when I got back from sailing she needed me and well I found that I need her. I didn't mean to fall in love with her Dawson but I did and I wouldn't take it back even if I could. Someone like Joey is not going to be alone for long.'

'I just never expected it to be you that went for her,' Dawson admitted.

'No I don't suppose you did, but you can relax - she doesn't feel the same. She just sees me as a friend.'

'She doesn't?' Dawson asked ignoring the searing jealousy and hurt inside.

'No...I mean we've kissed a few times, and well maybe she feels something, but she said we couldn't be together,' Pacey shrugged with fake bravado.

'Maybe she was worried she'd ruined your life?' Dawson asked. 'Maybe she wasn't sure how you really felt? Maybe she didn't think it was smart to start something with a baby coming soon and maybe she's just really confused, because trust me, pregnancy can do that as I discovered with my mom!'

'Yeah maybe you're right, no matter what happens I'm still an ass,' Pacey muttered.

'You're not an ass Pace. You've been there for her, you've done everything right. I was the ass,' Dawson paused thinking back to the feeling of his fist connecting with Joey's face. 'I'm sorry for what happened, it was an accident, I never meant to, I would never,' he stuttered.

'I know.'

'Is she ok?'

'She's shaken up but she'll be fine,' Pacey nodded curtly.

'Can I go see her?'

'I'm not her boss,' Pacey sighed and Dawson left the room heading for the stairs knowing what he had to do.

Dawson tapped lightly on Joey's door and hearing her call a soft come in, he entered. The sight of her made him want to cry. The whole left side of her face was swollen and bruised, with a dried drop of blood on her cheekbone where there were butterfly stitches.

'Oh god Joey,' he whispered.

'Dawson,' Joey shifted uncertainly in her bed.

'Is that what I did to you?' he whispered.

'It's ok,' she tried to smile, 'it's just a bruise and a bump to the head.'

'No it's not ok. I'm so sorry. It was an accident, I was just so mad and I didn't see you.'

'I know it was an accident,' she put out a hand and touched his. 'It's ok.'

'The last thing I'd ever do is hurt you, god I hate myself.'

'Let it go Dawson,' Joey insisted. 'It looks worse than it is and the thing that hurts most is the bump to my head, which the stairs caused!'

'Last night,' Dawson began, 'last night before I knew it was Pacey I spent a lot of time thinking of what I'd say to you today, and all the things I'd say revolved around getting you to come back to me.'

'Dawson,' Joey began.

'Let me finish Joey. Then when I was sat in that bar after I found out it was Pacey, I kept thinking about what I could say to get you to allow me to look after you and not Pacey, what sort of ultimatum I could give you.'

'Pacey and I aren't together,' Joey whispered.

'I know, I know, but he's been looking after you without rhyme or reason, just because he cares and you've let him because he's the father,' Dawson continued.

'Not just because he's the father, at first maybe but because we're friends and because I needed him,' Joey explained.

'As I was going to say. I've never found it easy to give you up Joey, not ever, but I think, well I think you should stay with Pacey, that you should be parents together,' Dawson nodded.

'I agree,' Joey nodded, moving her hand so she could hold Dawson's properly.

'I was really hoping you could answer a question, and I really hope I don't come across as self-centred. I know I can be a little indulgent in myself at times, but I think if I knew this, it would help me move on. Does that make sense?' he looked at her with gentle eyes.

'Of course Dawson, I'll answer anything.'

'How... this is going to sound all wrong, so let me finish. You and I, we've been best friends for so long, longer than I can remember. And we did love each other?' it was a question.

'I truly loved you Dawson,' she told him and he breathed out relieved.

'Ok...so we did love each other, and you found me attractive?' another question. Joey nodded,

'Yes Dawson. I think you're very handsome.'

'Thanks,' he smiled, 'so I guess my question is how did you and Pacey end up sleeping together? Especially when we never did?' he frowned and she held his hand a little tighter.

'I have asked myself that question a lot,' she smiled, 'especially when the consequences of that one night are going to shape my entire life.'

'And?'

'Pacey and I used to fight, right?' she looked at Dawson with large eyes and he nodded, 'when he kissed me...whenever he kisses me, it's like I don't even think anymore. I mean, that time at graduation I was drunk, and when he kissed me it was like...like I was alive. He became everything...' she trailed off, unsure if she had helped or not.

'And now?'

'Oh I feel the same way when he's near. He just makes me feel...complete. I know that sounds corny, but when he's just holding my hand I feel safe, invigorated and turned on all in one go. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just think there is something, something I can't explain, between me and Pacey. Does that make sense?'

Dawson smiled at her and squeezed her hand,

'It makes total sense Joey. I think you should be parents together...' he began again.

'And we will, as friends. I don't ever want to hurt you Dawson.'

'No Joey, I've seen you together, I can see it even if you can't and I won't hold you back. He loves you like I love you. He wants to be with you like I want to be with you and the only difference is you love him back the exact same way,' Dawson cursed the tears rolling down his cheeks but he squeezed her hand again,

'Dawson, I...'

'Save it Joey. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters because it's not going to change the truth of that fact. Stop worrying about what may or may not happen, and stop running. There will be no right time.'

'Dawson.'

'Joey, if you want to be happy and I want you to be happy, get out of this bed, march down those stairs and tell Pacey what he means to you because he doesn't know,' Dawson trailed off as Joey looked between him and the door for a moment.

'But we're eighteen and having a baby,' tears filled her eyes and tracked paths down her cheeks. 'I've wrecked my entire life. How can we ever be successful or happy? How will I ever finish college? This kid will need siblings. That sounds like a ridiculous concern, but if I give it a brother or sister then Pacey and I are even more screwed.'

'Joey, Pace has a good job, he's a good guy. It will be tough but you are a clever girl and you work damn hard.'

'He doesn't like his job,' Joey was still crying.

'No Jo, he doesn't love his job, there's a big difference. You're right, having a baby at eighteen is going to make it really hard, but he has a good job that he might need to stick at a little longer than he'd like, until you're through college. Then you look at things again.'

'I'd hate to do that to him.'

'And he would hate not to do it for you,' Pacey was stood in the doorway. 'I'm sorry, I wasn't listening in, I heard her crying...'

'No, you should stay and I'll go,' Dawson stood, 'this is a conversation you guys need to have. Then I think you should kiss and come downstairs.' Smirking at their expressions he gave Joey's hand a final squeeze and smiling at Pacey left the room.

'Jo,' Pacey sat beside her on the bed, 'you want to know something?' she nodded. 'I think I love my job.'

'No you don't, you're just saying that.'

'No Jo, I love it because it will allow me to help you achieve what you want out of life. But we do need to have a plan and a good attitude.'

'Have you been talking to Doug?' she gave him a teary pout.

'Maybe a little, but the guy said a couple of really helpful things.'

'Like what?' she manoeuvred herself into his arms.

'Well...he pointed out that children are a big job whenever you have them and whenever you have them, they usually put your career on hold for a few years. He told me to tell you that even if you don't make it as an editor or novelist until you're thirty, you'll probably be in the same position on the career food chain at forty as a woman who worked her butt off until thirty and then had kids. He did point out that your child raising years may be somewhat thriftier!'

'Ok,' she sniffed.

'He also said that two earners instantly raises your success threshold and household income. I know I only graduated high school Jo, but I will work hard, for you and the kid. And I will be a success. And I will enable you to achieve what you want, when you want to achieve it.'

'But we'll need to have another baby,' she began to cry again.

'I don't understand?' Pacey almost chuckled.

'I don't want Buster to be an only child. I really don't.'

'Well, we have Buster, you finish your degree, we have Busters sibling and then you career climb - if you want too!'

'It's all so simple with words...but in reality...' she trailed off.

'In reality we'll have unexpected difficulties and unexpected fortune and the same is true of anyone's life. But we can do this together. I love you Joey. I really, really love you.'

'Really really?' she asked.

'Yeah, really, really,' Pacey nodded.

'Can we keep talking about it?'

'Yes,' he agreed. 'I think you should talk to the college about a semester off after the baby is born so you have until the end of the summer. If they know ahead of time we can hopefully protect your scholarship. We can move somewhere smaller and cheaper so we can afford child care. It will be a lot of work Jo, but that doesn't mean it won't be fun. Not always of course.'

'I love you,' she whispered simply and tilted her head so she could kiss him, a warm gentle kiss that grew increasingly heated as she turned in his arms, placing a knee on either side of his legs and pressing their bodies together.

'Joey,' Pacey sang her name into the kiss as his hands tugged at her.

'Pace,' she leant her face back from his a little and looked him in the eye.

'Jo,' he wanted to kiss her again.

'I don't want this to mess everything up.'

'Lets be friends first, this second,' Pacey ran his hands across her butt.

'Thats good,' she nodded before pressing herself just slightly against him.

'God I want you,' he nipped at the skin on her shoulder and arched against her, pleased with her gasp of surprise.

'Pace...' she put her hands on his shoulder, suddenly serious.

'Sorry...' immediately he worried he'd pushed her.

'I'm a virgin...' she began and then frowned, as did he. 'What I mean is whilst I remember the incredible _essence_ of that night, I was extremely drunk. I am essentially a virgin.'

'Oh...' Pacey's brow furrowed.

'I don't want to be, not forever and I adore kissing you. I find it impossible to stop myself kissing you. But I'd rather keep that whole virgin thing going until the baby is born... And a while after I guess,' she bit her lip worriedly but Pacey's eyes were bright and he smiled, the kind of smile that made her heart sing.

'That's absolutely ok with me,' he chuckled, 'the fact that you will kiss me is enough. The fact that you might one day have sex with me again is bonus.'

'Then shut up and kiss me,' she ordered.

'Whatever you want,' he smirked and snaking his hands under her shirt captured her lips with his.


End file.
